One day I will never forget

I ring the scan place and explain that I think I am 8 weeks while my OBs thought I was 12 and they told me to come right in right away! Yikes!

I rung Bug and he was sadly stuck in a meeting and unable to come. I was feeling very yuk and dizzy so I got the C train down to the centre and was sick in a bag on the train! Nice!

So I am in a nice darkened calm room and there is a big screen in front of me with the innards of my tummy showing. I have never paid these images any attention. When colleagues and friends have bought in pictures of their fetuses I have looked at an image of greyscale noise with some blobs on it and it goes over my head...suddenly this is me and my baby, suddenly it matters!

The sonographer asks me "have you been taking fertility drugs"

"Nope" I say

"Have you had IVF"

"No"

Suddenly something doesn't feel right in the air. It is like a pause, or a 'thing' is hanging above me.

"why, is it alright? Is the baby ok?"

"well....there are two little guys in here, look"

and then she brings the clearest image up on the screen of two little prawns each in their own sack floating in a sea of noise.

I think I must of been silent for a while...twins goes over in my head again and again.

"shit"

I quickly back this up with an explanation as I sound like a bad mother.

"I mean, I am a twin and I was terrible, my poor mum, she didn't sleep for years"

I think of how on earth to tell Bug this news. he is going to have 3 extra mouths to feed not just 2! We will need two of everything, double the expense. How will we manage two babies in a country with no family and what if I get really fat!

"Sorry, what reaction do most people have when they find out they are having twins?"

"A lot of people cry, they are shocked, upset, worried"

"ok"

I have to tell Richard as soon as he is back from work. He rings me about an hour later when I am back home. I decide not to tell him then as he is at work and my not be able to contain his shock privately.

I am feeling kind of down about this and worried. Thoughts such as how will I love 2 as much as I would love 1 baby? One baby suddenly seems like a piece of piss. One of everything to dress, feed and transport, one to focus on, to grow in my belly and love 100%.

I am a twin and although me and my mum are very, very close now, we were not when I was young. Mum did not know she was having twins until L was born and she tried to get up 'you are having another one Mrs W' they said and pushed her down again!

I was a pain in the butt! Breech, 4 pounds and went straight to ICU and spent the next week in an incubator while Mum took L home. Dad came to visit me but Mum could not really get out to the hospital, plus she was probably in shock still.

So I guess what I am worried about is...if I have a little mini me then I just hope we bond. I have a lot longer to get used to twins than my poor mum!

Anyhoooo, back to how I tell Bug it is twins. I am rehearsing all afternoon and have it patted down, a smooth delivery, how to sell the idea of twins to Bug.

In fact what happens is Bug gets home from work and immediately wants to see the scans and know more about it. I tell him that he better sit down and look at the pictures. He looks a little worried actually. I guess he can tell that my state is ruffled. He looks at the scans but I blurt out that 'there are two in there, there are TWO!'.

And his reaction - cool! chuffed, suprised and ... proud!!!! What a man! :-)