This is why bed rest is good

oops

http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2009/dec/15/olympic-weightlifting-baby-elizabeth-poblete

My life as a blob!

I am still on bed rest. That is a good thing as the alternative is daily trips to the NICU which I do not want to do until I am at least 32 weeks...so in the meantime bed rest is a good word.

However. Bed rest is even more boring to read about than it is to do. I think!

I have ordered in lots of reading books and I am going to take up knitting so have ordered a pattern book of my favourite knitable celebrities. Amy Winehouse is first! (No point knitting baby clothes when they only cost about $5)

In a couple of days I will be 26 weeks and my next goal from that is to get to 28 weeks. It is strange looking ahead at the days on the calender and completely forgetting that Christmas will fall in there somewhere.

The last scan on my cervix showed that it was still at 1.8 - so still crap but no worse and they are checking me every week with warnings of any preterm labour signs to go straight back into the labour and delivery ward.

As long as I stay lying down and off my feet it feels ok.

I am actually going out tonight to BUGS work Christmas party. I am being dropped off right outside the door and will sit down for dinner straight away and then come straight home to bed again. Any pain and I will leave asap! It is -36 outside so I do not want to hang around.

This week I met our future Doula for the first time and was very impressed by her. I was feeling a bit middle class and wimpy hiring a doula but we are having twins with no family or help on this side of the world so I can justify it! BUGS mum found her online when we were back in the UK. I did not have my laptop and we were having a discussion about care in Canada and the next thing I know is she has found 2 people in Calgary and got their life history from them ahaaaa...she also puts to them that she is concerned we do not have a clue about what to expect from a new baby, let alone 2 babies which has got us peeved. Who really does have a clue until their own arrive? You can guess, read every book and talk to your mum, friends etc but until it happens I bet we have no idea! - and I don't mind that. I fully expect it to be hard, funny, stressful etc etc

Anyhoo, the doula has looked after a lot of twins and some of them have been premmie babies, she stated that her insight is not medical but was still very reassuring about premmie babies. The twins she is off to look after from now until March were born at 27 weeks and are coming home all OK - a big relief as I only have just over a week until I am 27 weeks. She has lent me a book called The Multiple Pregnancy Sourcebook which is a joy to read for the very reason that it has no blooming fruit and veg comparisons in it. Nor does it hector or 'fluffy up' any copy. It is an insightful, factual read about multiple pregnancy so includes a lot of pre term labour and premmie births.

Bug is being a genius around the house cooking, shopping and cleaning (kind of!). He is feeding me and the juniors up on super foods like spinach soup (at least a bag of spinach per bowl), stews and porridge. I am getting pretty round shaped though despite no pigging out and being super healthy. I think my body is storing any fat it gets for the juniors.

The hyperemesis is back under control, I had dipped a bit on the diclectin as I didn't really think it did anything and I take 8 a day of those, 2 - 3 of zofran and 2 of ranitidine. However, I can report that diclectin does have an impact as after 2 days without it and just on zofran alone I puked in the taxi on the way to the doctors and was so sick again...oops! It took a few days of being back on all 3 pills to nub away the green feeling and I feel pretty normal again now which is good as I am looking forwards to turkey tonight (the bird variety!)

Bored!

Bed rest is so boring especially to write about in a blog...

As I said when I started this blog '9.99% of blogs are irrelevant crap and mine is no exception"

Well, I want to share a blog that IS the exception..if you like the outdoors and fitness.

http://banfftrailtrash.blogspot.com

I no longer need to read Runners World, this is as good as it gets in running, the adventures that this women has and the group she runs with around the trails in Banff national park and beyond are simply amazing and I can only hope that the juniors take to the outdoors so I can run some of these one day too (athough NOT that 100 miler yikes!).

BED REST

I had a 24 week ultra sound today. I thought it was going to be a standard scan like I have been getting used to but mostly they just wanted to look at my cervix measurements.

A 'good' and closed cervix should measure over 3cm ( I think...bear with me!) . They start to flag it if you are less than 2.5 to 2 cm. I was 1.8 and funneling...hmmm. I may have an 'incompetent cervix' The doctor explained it to us and said it is a red flag for early labour and I may be having steroids to help the juniors in case bed resting does not work. I have been googling it all day since and worried myself in to a stress ball. Hopefully I can get hold of my elusive OBs tomorrow and get some more info. I am sure it is OK or the doctor at the unit would of sent me straight to hospital.

I have to go to hospital if I have any discomfort but between having spasms of constipation and SPD pain in my pelvis I just hope that I can spot anything else....

Hello Sunshine!

So, I am back from our great trip back to the UK. I spent a whirlwind 3 weeks zooming thru friends, family, London and Dorset and loved every minute of it. I miss my friends SO MUCH, I love them all to bits and feel terribly lucky to have them all.

Being back made me make comparsions to here and there and what I have found is:

The weather in Alberta is divine! Hello sunshine, goodbye 3 weeks of rain, rain and RAAAAIN.

I must apologise for an earlier post about bad Albertan drivers. UK drivers are just as shit, me included as I crashed my Mum's car in sodding Poundbury (a souless dive that prince Charles has built). Sodding Poundbury does indeed sound like a Dorset town but Charles just named it Poundbury....and made knife edge granite curbs that slice up car tyres :-(

Traffic = UK, I spent a disproportionate time in traffic jams. Traffic jams in the rain.

Erm, that is it really, I bang on about missing Tate Modern and Selfridges but I did not visit them - friends, family and Dorset took priority.

My belly grew twice as large due to eating lots and it weighs a ton! I have SPD - a pelvic thing where it feels like the pelvis is separating in half the wrong way and yikes it hurts - mostly turning in bed and as for standing on one leg forget it! Doing lots of PVF exercises to help it.

The bowl of Life and 20 weeks!

I am in silly season today. Barfing up like a drunk, nauseous waves are starting and soon I will be polaxed for the rest of the day... but I am happy as we are off to the UK in a few days and I get to see my Ma again...plus on fluffy days Selfridges, Tate Modern and some more culture.

At last we are at 20 weeks and for twins ths is well over half way with only 18 more weeks to go.

Now, we have been keeping their sexes a secret but I can reveal that one is...a banana! According to Babycentre.com and What to Expect.. I have a large banana gestating, others reckon it is a mango. It is twins, could be one of each, I am happy as long as they are edible.

Why fruit? Maybe most (sickness free) women can carry out their weekly shop and size themselves up in the grocery section, have a feel, weigh it in their palms....eat it. They get some idea of what is growing and have a nicer customer experience in store.

I just find it really fluffy and would rather have a ruler to look at or x-ray specs sold free with each book.

I also went food shopping (for the second time in months!!) and ended up buying all the fruits I have been missing out on week by week. Here they all are lined up, how cute. Some were out of season so I had to get a kiwi to stand in for the plum, a fake fig, and Safeway had no prunes so I thought a date is much the same. The book compares one week to a chicken breast. That is not possible for me right now or hygenic. Luckily Babycentre offered a lemon instead. Phew, much more HG friendly.

(I will try to get this larger - it is a large file...blogger novice!)

I better hope that HG ends at 24 weeks as junior(s) outgrows fruit and is lovingly compared to a 2 pound chuck roast. I have no idea what a chuck roast is but it sounds disgusting, like minced beef (2 pounds in weight shown!).

Anyway, I also arranged them into a bowl for composition, I ate the date (10 weeks) and trod on olive (9 weeks) so cannot include them in this shot. But here it is (top of page)...the bowl of life, My fruit trimester.

I am definatley getting better, I could not of done this just 2 weeks ago. What an achievement, I deserve a medal (irony IRONY!)

(The sketching is crap, I was in a hurry - usually much better!)

Yiipeeeee

Zofran has changed my life! thank you little pill I love you!

We went back to Banff again this weekend. I have been on Z for a few days and hoped that I was going to be fluffy very soon!

I was! We went to an ace veggie restaurant in Ba

nff called Nourish. They make really wholesome, home co

oked grub. I was not hungry but said that I would share Bugs meal. He ordered edamame to start and a veggie quinoa/ lasanga thingy for his main.

I ate one edamame...hmmm yum, and another and another and actually I think I ate them all. then I ordered another portion MAMMA! YUM!!! I also had a little taste of his main dish AND then i nicked half his pudding heheh.

Bug had been out to Marble Canyon in the Kootenay NP earlier in the week as part of his Geology conference. He said it was stunning and wanted to show me the place too. He reckoned that it was even more amazing than Johnston Canyon. I had to see this place!

The image at the top is the plunge hole at marble Canyon with the on above being the crevasse (I can't work out how to portrait this image argh!). The river is probably an exposed cave system because it is so deep and narrow.

It has been snowing and it is ccccold so this was the plunge hole when we were there. Fancy a dip?

There are lots of trails from Marble Canyon that look like ideal running trails. I used to trail run when I was younger and meant to start again here in Canada but got bursitus...pregnant etc. We took an easy walk of 6k to paint pots and back...

hmm dont go there in the snow as there is nothing to see! I look so excited no! We did see cougar tracks in the snow tho. I was carrying a mighty stick to beat it with if it tried to eat me. Reckon I scared him off.

We had to head back to banff to pick up my engagement ring (!!!!) So exciting! We made it back just on time and ran into the shop. I had to try it on again as they had resized it for me. The two shop ladies were very refined women, one even had leather trousers and a matching corset on with furry bits (yikes!). It was hideous but it looked expensive. The reason I mentioned that was because the mighty stick I had carrying to beat off cougars was tree burn. Kootenay had an almighty forest fire 5 years ago and the entire area is regenerating...I had picked up an old burnt charcol stick and my hands were jet black.

Bug noticed and shrieked at my hands, then they women noticed and had some kind of deep internal reaction, I ran off to wash my hands several times...until the water ran clear and then tried it on. :-)

Scan! Week 19! The ..what ifs....

We saw the babinos again this week!

They looked ALOT larger than 7 weeks ago, how amazing that in just weeks we can develop so much of a little human!

I was tres nervous before this test. At this one alot of problems can be detected and I know 3 couples who have had terrible experiences at this scan. I have been abusing my body for months and have been stressing about dehydrating them into little shrivelled prunes.

Bug holds my hand the whole time and what starts off tight with stress soon relaxes as the first one - twin A measures up perfectly!!! 'A' was very still at the last scan, but here 'it' is moving around, flexing elbows, opening and closing little hands...everything looks good with twin A..then twin B. Twin B is ever so slightly smaller than A but still measured up very well for twins at 19 weeks and everything looks great. in fact the doctor is so fine about the outcome of the scan that he does not even want to see us!

(BTW we want the sexes to be a suprise! nah nah!)

The relief is immense. Being in the room and seeing them again makes us think even more how dreadful it must of been to be told that something may be wrong. One of my best friends has had this happen with and had to undergo blood tests, whether to decide on an anmio test (they didn't) and then sit it out and wait until her baby was born.

Their baby was perfect by the way. The most beautiful baby girl ever produced - honestly she is already a stunner like her mum and absolutely gorge.

Bug asks me what we would done if one or both was downs or worse...I cannot honestly say, nor can he. I do not think anyone can until they are in that situation. I was suprised to read a UK report on down's only last week that stated 90% of women diagnosed with a downs pregnancy have a termination. I was very suprised and would of expected the figure to be 50%.

I have a cousin with learning difficulties. She has Williams syndrome and is 25 but very tiny and lovely. She has had a totally normal upbringing, treated and loved the same as her brothers and sisters. She went to 'normal' school for years (but cannot read or write), she is the most socialable person that I know and can talk to anyone. Our entire family love Mo to bits and she makes us laugh with things she gets up to.

I guess my point is that I find it hard to imagine that any parent could love a 'special' child less than a normal one. It makes me think about when I found out I was having twins and I was worried that I would love them unequally. It took me weeks to get to a point where I knew that I love them the same.

People that have a sad diagnosis often have to make a very fast desicion and do not have months to think about it and change their minds.

I also know that good health does not stop at birth! We will have years and years making sure they are well physically and mentally. (and each other!)

Belly!

My belly is showing, I am over 18 weeks now!!! Look at that POP! :-) :-). I am apparently carrying two 'bell peppers' hmm..my US preg book compares everything to food which is not only stupid (spanish onion next week yum!) but only 2 weeks ago that food sentence would of make me vomit.

Do you like my sink? Check out the brown walls. Must post about brown walls soon.

Difference between HG and MS

I had never heard of HG before I was pregnant and there is not a lot out there about it. If more people knew about it then less Hgers would be crackered/ fired/ seen as weak people not coping with morning sickness.

HG is NOT even bad morning sickness. It is a serious illness that you can only get from being pregnant. Without medical intervention, severe, intractable cases are gravely dangerous for the mother and her babies.

"G is a debilitating and potentially life-threatening pregnancy disease marked by rapid weight loss, malnutrition, and dehydration due to unrelenting nausea and/or vomiting with potential adverse consequences for the newborn(s)." HelpHER website.

With out medical help women can (but rarely do) die today from HG. Until the 1940s when IV and aggressive treatment started severe HG women died. Charlotte Bronte died from HG (http://www.trivia-library.com/c/final-days-of-english-author-charlotte-bronte.htm) and I think it was the reason that Nicole Kidman looked unpregnant her entire pregnancy. Alot of HG women have terminations as they are dangerously ill/ have no support.

I cannot explain the effects of nausea but interestingly Bug once overate melon as a child and it made him sick. He still cannot eat melon and I know of other similar stories. I find it interesting that foods have probably caused him and others many problems but the story involving nausea and vomiting is very strong in their memory and still causes aversion and dread years later. Bug is the most fearless man I know but i can chase him around the house screaming if I have a melon.

Alex in Clockwork Orange gets re-programmed with a N+V reaction to bad thoughts and is for a while 'cured'. I have always thought that the film was interesting, but his 'cure' implausible. Now I see it as a genuine idea that is explored as a concept through the film medium. (That sounds really wanky)

I try to explain HG as having bad flu for months, the kind where you cannot eat or move your head. Others compare it to severe food poisioning. I have had a nasty case of norovirus before after falling in to the Thames with my mouth open (out my scull) and HG is MUCH worse.

Anyway, for a good comparison to MS and HG this is from the hyperemesis web site.

http://www.hyperemesis.org/mothers/hyperemesis-or-morning-sickness/index.php

This page is also good to check for symptoms.

http://www.hyperemesis.org/hyperemesis-gravidarum/diagnosis/signs-symptoms.php

Concrete Factory is on strike (don't read if you think I am a lady!)

I want to be honest and this is all lifted from my diary.

Some people love poo chat and other people would not entertain it! But I never knew what constipation really was. I thought you just had to squeeze quite hard and never had the runs, again, something else to sympathise to in the future!

Zofran is brill and I have been eating a decent diet now for a few days. However, something I have not done for a very long time is a NUMBER 2.

It makes sense that if I am eating I may need the loo right? Pregnancy does make you constipated, your body takes water for other things and so the bowels get a lot less water, also food is held in the digestive tract for longer. Zofran is notoriously bad for giving you serious constipation. 1+1 = bad ass!

Here is my diary for Monday ' spent 2 hours trying to poo...OMG...TRAUMA! MASSIVE!! My body went into it's own poo labour and I had contractions to get it out...Horrendously painful'

2 hours was NOTHING!!! the following Sunday - 6 days later I knew I needed another one!

This one took 5 hours from start to finish! I am still shaking as I write.

I went off zofran late yesterday as I know that nothing will happen while i am on it - so i start being sick again as soon as it wears off.

Diary: 'I am in agony and sweating, being sick, my body has taken over and is pushing away but it will not budge. The pain...is there a danger of a misscarrige? This is so aggressive!'.

I run a warm bath and get in. It does help ease the abdominal pain and calms my back exit. BUG, is on a life saving mission for me. He drives to the pharmacy and they sell him stool softeners and glycerin suppositories. EEEK

I have NEVER used one of these, or put my finger there and have to google what to do. The chat rooms give me a piece of mind as most are pregnant women and this is just part of the 'getting to know my body journey of everything'

Anyway, FForward to 2 baths later, 3 suppositories, one sleep and then the final pushes! I give birth to a beautiful, record breaking.....I emerge from the basement a lot lighter and very relieved. Thanks to Bug on this one or I never would coped! He has seen so much of me over the last few months that a birth will be just the next step!

Snow!

Good week!

Sunday started in Banff still. I dropped Bug off around the back of Banff's Sulphur Mountain. There is an old access road to the top of the mountain that you can join if you follow the Bow river along the Sundance Canyon route and turn off. I dropped him off at the Cave and basin venue and he started the 8.5 k walk with 8k of ascending. Not many tourists walk this route as they all go up the front of the mountain that has a million switchbacks and is under tree cover so you cannot see any views.

OR like me they pay $30 to get an 8 minute cable car haha! I would LOVE to be hiking up but I still have to be careful. Yesterday's flat 6ker pooped me out.

However. I get to the top and the view is spectacular. Banff is snowy but up here there is about 5 inches of dry, powdery snow. I love winter in Canada and the Rockies have excellent dry snow. I just want to walk so I start striding down the access road to meet Bug. It is -12 but crispy and I have a million layers on plus my ski kit!

Striding down the mountain is FUN. It is like being on the moon, you are so cushioned by the snow that you cannot get too fast and out of control. It is totally silent and all I can hear is my feet crunching in the snow. After a while I meet Bug and we hike back up to the top...this is harder and takes a lot longer. All I can hear on the way up is my breathing.

Wish that we could live in Banff or Canmore but driving to Calgary on H1 in winter is not enjoyable. It is still an hours drive which is acceptable for train or bike commutes in our London lives but out here a 10 minute commute is a lot less stressful.

Cramps!

Damn it!

I was supposed to go to meet a new friend. She is a colleague of Bug's and has a little daughter. We were going to meet for a tea over her side of town and I have been looking forwards to this ever since she suggested it.

I have not made many friends yet in this town as I have been house bound for ages. I get into a cab to meet her and guess what? CRAMPS! suddenly!!! I am goign to puke too! ahh I can't meet her no way! I ask the driver to take me home again and start bawling with pain lying in the back of his cab!

Poor guy, he panics a bit while doing his U turn so I squeak out 'pregnant'. Ahhh bless him he is so sweet and he said his wife was not well in her pregnancy and we will get home really fast no worry!

What a sweety!

Things can only get...

Better..croak!

Soooo I think things will get better from now on.

I took a big nose dive late last week. I am not sure what I did wrong, I felt that I was managing it pretty well but by Saturday I couldn't drink anymore. Funnily I eat could toast with banana but the sick was sore coming up as the toast was sharp.

Sunday was the same, no drink would stay down however small the sips. It was also the day when Bug was away for 5 nights in Banff at a conference. He has been doing everything so to be without the Bugster was going to be scary!

I knew on Sunday that I had to go back to the hospital but I also knew that Bug would cancel his conference if I did that so I waited until Monday to go. Big mistake! that night I was sick for hours, blood and bile so by the time i got into bed for a sleep I was seriously worried that I might not wake up.

Not kidding but I was that worried. Why did I not call an ambulance? I have no idea.

I went to the hospital at noon the next day and weighed 2 k less than just the other day. I also had not been able to wee since sunday morning. I passed out in my seat in the waiting room and got taken through quickly (also a relief as there were people complaining of flu!).

The nurse has a look a me and said

"soo...you are 4 weeks pregnant... "

"No, I am 4 months, with twins'

"oh..hmm"

I couldn't wee still and the nurse took some blood...only no blood would come out either! some filled about 1/2cm of a vial and they were pumping my arms and squeezing it downwards with their hands but no more came out.

What they did have was a nice red though!

Anyway I had a load of IVs HEATED up this time. the nurse man looking after me was a real gem. He was so interesting and also interested in people. I could hear him asking real questions to patients that meant he was also listening to their replies. I hope that he knows how good he is. I had some more zofran too. I coudln't leave until I could drink still water without vomiting.

Anyway after all of that my OBs has agreed for me to stay on zofran. I am 16 weeks now.

Things will get better on this drug - I have read enough about its effects.

More weight loss :-(

Got weighed at the OBs today and I am still loosing weight. I have now lost 13% of my 5 week pregnancy weight. I am nearly 15 weeks.

I was struggling so hard to loose weight before I got pregnant but nothing shifted. I was training for the Calgary Half Ironman and cycling, running and swimming! I have realised that i was eating to much, I do love food. How weird to loose all this weight.

But apart from the early hikes I have been sedentary. Bed bound in the week and not much more at weekends. I do eat porridge, banana and toast and banana at the moment. I have the occasional 'fluffy patch' when I can eat or drink a bit more than usual. I am suprised that the weight is still falling. I am still producing ketones though which means weight loss....

My doctor is not worried about the eating but he is concerned about my fluids and says that I am dehydrated again. I can only drink fizzy water recently. No tea, nothing but San Pellegrino and he is not happy with this.

We talk about going on Zofran continously and not just when I get IVs but he wants me to get to 16 weeks first. I had been grovelling to my new family doctor for Zofran too (as he is nearer my house) but he would not prescribe it either.

For now I am stuck on x8 diclectin a day and x2 ranititsomething Zantacy. I think Zantac is good but diclectin does nothing! Half the time i am sick just taking the pills.

For now they both want me to get Zofran from the hospital when I have IVs and wait till 16 weeks...who knows the HG may go by then anyway.

Contractions?!

So recently has HG been bad again and medical intervention has once more been needed. I have been fed up with it as it makes me house bound SO....

.....My brilliant other half took me to a five star hotel in Banff as a treat to cheer me up on Saturday. He bundled me in our car and we hit the highway. I love the drive from Calgary to Banff. You have to negotiate the most stupid slip roads onto the highway (feeder lane?? no! lets just chuck slow cars straight out on to the highway!). But Bug is driving so I can relax :-)

As soon as I started to breathe in some fresh mountain air I perked up. Where we live in Cowtown it stinks! We live near this inner city chicken processing plant that all the locals want to shut down. Often the air stinks of rotting poultry and you have to stay indoors with all the windows shut. It.is.really.bad. There is also an open sewage pit down the road and they are tarring the roads and lying new railway track so the mingling scent of rotting chicken, poo and tar makes me heave.

(Below is the Pit)

(Above is on Johnston Lake trail of bliss and sweet smells)

Autumn in Canada is stunning. The trees in Banff National Park were a vivid yellow set against a deep blue sky. The smells in the national parks are also amazing, trees smell sweet, piney and woody scents that are ever so subtle.

We spent a lot of time on the trails around Lake Minnewanka and Johnston Lake, Bug cycled and I did some sketching or slowly walking and staring at the views. We loved it so much that we grabbed our tent out of the car and pitched it at Tunnel Mountain for an extra night.

Uhohh later that night I start to get these cramps, they are an extremely strong and a very painful spasm/ contraction of my abdominal muscles. I cannot even breathe as it reaches a peak and then starts to subside. When it has eased I feel ok again...only 25 mins later another, then same gap before another. The pain is getting worse and after 3 hours of this and we are really worried. Bug bundles me into the car and we visit Banff Springs Hospital. They get me straight into a room with a belt on my belly to measure the contractions as a peaking graph. The doctor does and ultrasound of my uterus and it is OK. The problem is not affecting or anythign to do with the uterus and juniors. PHEW.

The thing is I am really tough about pain. I can pull an ergo! I used to row until I had tunnel vision. This pain was different and it makes me think that I need a new level of tough as child birth will be worse - the contraction graph machine will be off the scale!

We decide eventually to go back to the campsite. It is the wee hours by now and with hardly any campers the campground has a calm silence that I rarely have ever heard as I have always lived in cities. I stay in the washrooms to sort out what I now suspect is a bowel problem.

Let's just say that when the moment came I was luckily sitting down in the right place. The final contraction was so immense that I screamed and my arms jerkily punched each side of the cubicle spontaneusly! I left the washrooms a much lighter but quite shaky woman.

I had no idea that the bowels can get this painful. I rarely need a number 2 these days so not sure what is going on. Pregnancy is a learning curve!

I really perked up this weekend and although I was pretty sick my nausea was ok.

HG is back but the 13 week scan was amazing

(I look cute from the side)

(But really spooky from the front rah!)

Really bad HG over the next 11 days darn it!

I am vomiting lots of blood again and have turned yellow skinned! For some reason I do not want to go to hospital. I have to sleep in a separate bed from bug as even his smell makes me sick. Now I know I am ill as he actually has NO SCENT! I have always thought that he is like the scentless Grenouille in the book Perfume but without the murderous villan bit.

However, a good thing in this time, a great thing was our 13 week scan. It feels like a long time ago that I last saw them both and I was very suprised at what we both saw today. No, don't worry it is not triplets! They were moving, dancing in fact. I did not expect this as I have only seen static pictures before. They looked like teeny tiny babies as well with lovely cute face profiles. We were gobsmacked. We saw tiny feet and long legs it was amazing!

The point of the 13 weeks scan is to see if there is a chance that the fetus could have downs syndrome or another chromosonal problem. They measure the thickness on the back of the babies neck and also take your blood. With the combined data from both tests they can give you a statistic on the likelyhood of your baby having downs.

As our is a twin preg we could not have the blood test as statistical data so we were just given the nuchal test to measure the back of the neck. One of the juniors kept dancing away in there and the sonographer took a very long time to capture it's neck! One was very well behaved and pretty still. Guess who takes after who hmmm?

The outcome of the test was a 1 in 1646 chance of twin B have downs and a 1 in 455 chance of twin A. That is over average for my age and the doctors said it was a positively good result and did not recommend any further test! Yippeeeeee I feel 10 stone lighter!

Seeing them also makes HG easier to cope with. I cannot feel the junior yet and I do not look pregnant, I just feel ill so to see two moving active babies is a massive joy and boost.

Back from holiday

(NO! that is not Bug's pale and shriveled Great Grandma on the far right of his parentals, it is I at Elbow falls where we cycle from alot - 45 mins from home :-)

So we are back in Cowtown and I am over 12 weeks 'along' :-)

You know what? I was OK on this trip. I had very, very green days and one or two really bad days where I stayed in bed and did not go on any trips but all in all I have had a 'fluffy' time.

I ate more than usual. It always included porridge but my food repertoire expanded. A lot of things worked and some didn't. I was able to eat bread with bland cheese and sometimes tomato so Bug's Ma made me lots of nice cheese sandwiches to eat and we hid them in restaurants where I steathily ate them! I did also try more restaurant food. I liked a potato chowder in Lake Louise and apart from porridge stuck to that. I also discovered iced black tea - yuuuuuum! Fizzy water was the only other drink.

(ahhh this is the life! The Shuswap Lakes in BC...bliss :0)

(Map of the gino lakes system, it would take weeks to explore)

My favourite meal and time was a cheese sandwich in the middle of the Shuswap Lake in Sicamous, BC. Bug's pops hired a cool motor boat and we spent the day exploring that wonderful lake. It was bliss.

(There are many houses and cabins nestled among the trees in the shores of the Shuswap and access has to be by boat. What an adventure!)

I did fail at one meal in a french style restaurant in Revelstoke and paid the price all that night and the next day. That restauranter must hate my guts (literally). I was a fussy 'off the menu' customer in a fine place who loudly asked if

"they had any really bland cheese"

"erm no madame sorry"

They were actually thinking 'idiot, we are a fine diner with expensively imported cheeses from France, do you really think we would serve bland %@#*ing cheese'

Basically the bland cheese sandwich and home made quiches were a success. I did not eat a lot but I am pretty sure I maintained my body weight despite being more active than the past few weeks.

(Obviously I did not take this photo but this shows Glacier off in style!)

On the way home the weather was stunning and we had much better views of Glacier National Park. Glacier was stunning. The mountains rise steeply and wildly from the roads and you have to drive under avalanche tunnels - it is so wild in winter and no one lives here. We must come back to experience the back country here one day....with the juniors!

(Bug's parentals are very photogenic, here they are on Moraine Lake. Ned rowed for Cambridge Uni - the whole uni so this got competitive haha!)

It just goes to prove to me that I was eating waaay to much in the last two years. I am such a foodie. I love food (and wine) with a passion and love cooking. 77 kilos for my 5 week preg weight was too much (I am 5ft 10) and I was trying to loose five kilos. 3 1.2 years ago I weighed below 70 kilos constantly without even trying.

On the drive home we had to stop twice for me to puke and I started struggling with food again. Hmm I still wonder if I am mental as well. I know I have HG but how did I manage the last 2 weeks only to start to slide again???

The naked psycho

Bug's parents are due today. They are lovely and very civilised but it will just not do that a naked psychopath is being chased by the police around our street.

They cannot find him and knock on our door asking to search the garage. He is not in there of course but they sit outside our house for an age. Do they think it was Bug!? Does he fit the description? Did we just laugh too much when they told us? Maybe saying 'cool, where?' was a bad idea.

I keep looking out for him but he does not make himself known to me and eventually the police drive off.

So anyway Bug told his Ma about the babies last week. Apparently she was not suprised but had some reservations. Not sure what they are but that becomes clear when they arrive - looking very fresh for a long haul and almost immediately ask if we can get married before the juniors arrive.

Ah. Ooops.

Annoying people

I had an annoying stranger find out that I was pregnant. She was trying to get us to join her jazz club...so anyway she would not shut up and we said about kids etc not going out blah blah

I wanted to say that I hate jazz. It makes me really itchy, especially the freestyle stuff YUK!

Then she started telling me that I have to eat spinach, lots of spinach with fruit, oh yes, fruit is very good but not too much sugar you know that is bad for me blah blah blah.

We both had out fixed grins on and nodded along. Bug gave me some squeezes, he knew exactly what I was thinking. ggrrrr

I am going to have to get used to 'been there done that' people, I might only strangle one of them though, but do not worry I will blog about it.

10 weeks

So this week was like a peaking and troughing graph. Some OK days where I was productive, tidied and did some jobs and some shit days that I have 0/10 on my diary and pity party quotes such as 'can I just be put in a coma and woken up when this ends' and 'have I damaged my brain forever?'

Thursday was interesting. I learned about bowels in pregnancy.

If you do not like poo stories then go away, I like them and this is one of them. First of many/

Ouch, ouch, ouch, Ooooo. Bowel ache. Can I push in pregnancy? I was not sure and went to the bathroom. After some time feeling quite distressed, I gave up and went to lie down in a comfy position. Shortly after that there was a gurgling and flushing sound from deep inside me and I had to run to the loo!

Wow! My world!

I thought that I was 'showing' earlier today but after that exodus in the bathroom I realise that it was a poo baby and now my stomach looks like Kelly Holmes' after she had won the 1500metres in Athens.

I think that was my first BM in weeks! Other than that I kind of feel Ok today.

The rentals arrive at the beginning of next week (so I may not blog for a while).

In preperation I have been productive this week and got the house clean and I even went shopping! Up until now poor Bug has been doing everything.

Going shopping here is miserable. It costs the same as pimpy Waitrose in the UK but is as enjoyable as visiting a dirty Asda in Chavtown. The shelves are full of garish, ugly and loud, primary coloured packs of food that are so far removed from its provence or original state that I suspect it was entirely created from salt, cardboard and sugar in a cheap evil lab.

No wonder that North America is so obese. Food is served up in gino portions too. You have to visit a farmers market to get decent chicken and other meats farmed 'free run' plus veg sourced within 200 miles.

I am waffling and I forget what my point is but basically the packaging and smells make me feel grim so I look at the floor a lot in there. Some of the male staff had really bad BO too and I could not enter their aisle. I think one had had an brown accident in his underpants, he was so offensive I had to avoid him by 2 aisles.

Rough few days with some fluffy clouds on the horizon

Rough few days and passed out today in the kitchen! Since I spoke to mum I have tried porridge and it is just like she said it would be. it is easy to absorb and if it does come up then it does not taste offensive. I use 1 minute oats.

On the upside, yesterday we went to friends house for dinner. Bug and i decide to let them know that I am pregnant and cannot eat as I do not want to offend them. plus they would guess anyway as I am not drinking and everyone always catches out the pregnant women that way.

I get a bit more 'fluffy' as the day goes on and I woudl say I am on form at our pals house! I even manage some food yaay! I eat pita bread slices and the dish L made is like a ratatouile and I have a small bit of that. it is yummy. OH AND CHEESECAKE She has made a baked cheesecake. I have a little bit of that.

On the drive home i feel pretty good :) This puts me in a good mood as Bug's parents are coming out here soon and I have been stressing about it a lot. Bug nearly cancelled their trip when I went to hospital. He is swamped at work too and has the biggest presentation of his career the week after they come! The timing isn't great but they do not know about me yet so that is not their fault.

One more thing and that is http://www.helpher.org/

It is a website I found when i googled 'hyperemesis'. It is full of comprehensive research and info about HG and treatments, support groups for mums, dads and family and friends. It is very helpful....a bit sad and moany. That is understandable as their are people on this who are having a dreadful time and need support. Some women on this are almost dead. Honestly! They have it for 9 months and have to be permanently wired up to a feeding machine and do not eat or poop for months. I think some people have died from it. One women posts that her daughter has passed away from it :-(. I imagine with no medical intervention one could. With the meds and IV help i would be buggered - not dead but worse than this.

Told my MUM

I told my mum today that I was up the duff.

I said Mum (pause) erm guess what

'You're pregnant!"

"shit mum, how do you always manage to figure me out???"

She should of been a detective that woman. Anyway then she screamed and squealed for ages and clapped and cried and laughed and was just deeeeelighted.

How she suprises me. in fact everyone suprises me, I should not be so judgemental in the future. Asking is better than assuming.

So then she gets very interesting. I tell her about being really ill and not enjoying this one iota and guess what?

Well, it turns out that my mum had this too with her twin prego. She had HG and was signed off work for 4 months. This is unbelievable news. My mum has had ME/ CFS and she battled her way into work as much as she could with that illness, she was a workaholic and it was a big factor in the mum and dad divorce. So for my Mum to of been off work for 4 months is shocking news, I never would of imagined it but she was totally polaxed too!

I tell her that I am unable to eat and puking everything up. She recommends porridge made with water in very small doses a few times a day, sleeping and that's it. She also had toxima at month 7. I don't know what that is but i make a note to tell my OBs as she says it is important.

Sounds like she has a shit pregnancy with 2 illness and then the suprise of twins at the end. Poor mummy!

How low can I go?

Oh dear, things got a bit worse and ended up admitted in hospital!

So today is Tuesday and last Friday I took a nose dive. I did not think it would get any worse. I was wrong.

I have been finding it harder and harder to even sip liquid and most of the time it is coming out but with more liquids. On Saturday not a single sip would go down, we tried everything: hot tea, cold tea, energy drink, still and fizzy water, slush puppy stuff. But no, it is coming out immediately and I am wrecked.

I stay in bed as I am too dizzy and ill. If I move I am violently sick and everything spins.

By Monday I still cannot drink and I know that this is dangerous now it has been nearly 3 days without liquid going in and more coming out. I go to the bathroom to be sick and just big blobs of blood come out, that then alternates with bile and blood and I have to crawl as I am too tired and dizzy to walk.

I ring Bug at work and tell him about the blood sicks and he comes straight home from work and takes me to the local ER where they get me hooked up on some IVs and in a warm bed.

The IVs are really cold! I don't remember huge amounts about this night, the doctor says something about hyperemesis and twin pregnancies. They put some Gravol into me thru IV. Gravol, they explain is an OTC med in Canada to stop nausea. The only thing is Gravol makes me feel worse, I feel like I am tripping out and spinning! Things get totally weird and then I am really sick. So they give me something else called Zofran and you know what? This stuff works! It is a definate change very quickly.

Zofran is actually a medicine made for Chemotherapy patients (I am reading up on this). It is called an anti-emetic to stop you vomiting and cut some nausea away.

Not much research pins down the causes of hyperemesis so the only treatment for severe cases are drugs developed for cancer treatments. For some women even these do not work.

You know I have known a few people on chemo but I never realised that on the top of a life threatening and painful illness they are made even sicker by chemotherapy! I feel a bit humbled that I am no way as ill as a chemo patient and I also will have a lovely gift at the end of this.

Being ill gives me an insight that I hopefully can use as compassion one day. I have never been so ill before and so I have never got the concept about being 'ill'. I honestly thought you had to think positively and be strong (sorry), get on with it. I was an ignorant twat.

It also makes me realise a couple of things about my old job. I loved my old job, I loved the culture, the work, I loved deadline buzzes and mental hours and hard work. However if someone was ill for a long time and signed off it was a career killer. You just were not sick if you wanted the ladder. I would of killed my career if I was there, I am unable to work...have a shower, get dressed, drink ( I write this up a lot later on a good day).

Hyperemesis is discovered

So the twin puts my Morning Sickness into a different frame - double the trouble indeed. Plus, through the haze of sick I remember that my friend and colleague OS had 6 weeks off work with severe MS after I had emigrated here.

I cannot remember what she called it but open my new book to have a look and see if i can investigate. The book is called 'What to Expect When You Are Expecting' It is massive and American. The front cover is awful! The background graphic is a really ugly quilt and an entirely spray painted woman in the foreground. I just know we would not be friends.

I find the section on morning sickness and there is a little box in the corner called Hyperemesis Gravidaram - That's what OS had! I have all the symptoms - dramatic weight loss (6 kilos in 9 days), food aversions, unable to drink, vomiting way more then 4x a day (try 10+), pytalism, motion sickness, dizzyness. Funnily I do not dwell on it as I am too tired and fall asleep.

OS caused a black cloud being off work for 6 weeks, people don't know about this illness so it is 'unacceptable' to some. It is NOT morning sickness, it more dangerous than that. I totally understand how she would of found work impossible. There is no way in hell she would of even made it to the train station, let alone sat on a moving train and then got into work!

I had no idea of the concept of being very ill from N+V before this but it is seriously bad, bad and dreadful. I am polaxed.

One day I will never forget

I ring the scan place and explain that I think I am 8 weeks while my OBs thought I was 12 and they told me to come right in right away! Yikes!

I rung Bug and he was sadly stuck in a meeting and unable to come. I was feeling very yuk and dizzy so I got the C train down to the centre and was sick in a bag on the train! Nice!

So I am in a nice darkened calm room and there is a big screen in front of me with the innards of my tummy showing. I have never paid these images any attention. When colleagues and friends have bought in pictures of their fetuses I have looked at an image of greyscale noise with some blobs on it and it goes over my head...suddenly this is me and my baby, suddenly it matters!

The sonographer asks me "have you been taking fertility drugs"

"Nope" I say

"Have you had IVF"

"No"

Suddenly something doesn't feel right in the air. It is like a pause, or a 'thing' is hanging above me.

"why, is it alright? Is the baby ok?"

"well....there are two little guys in here, look"

and then she brings the clearest image up on the screen of two little prawns each in their own sack floating in a sea of noise.

I think I must of been silent for a while...twins goes over in my head again and again.

"shit"

I quickly back this up with an explanation as I sound like a bad mother.

"I mean, I am a twin and I was terrible, my poor mum, she didn't sleep for years"

I think of how on earth to tell Bug this news. he is going to have 3 extra mouths to feed not just 2! We will need two of everything, double the expense. How will we manage two babies in a country with no family and what if I get really fat!

"Sorry, what reaction do most people have when they find out they are having twins?"

"A lot of people cry, they are shocked, upset, worried"

"ok"

I have to tell Richard as soon as he is back from work. He rings me about an hour later when I am back home. I decide not to tell him then as he is at work and my not be able to contain his shock privately.

I am feeling kind of down about this and worried. Thoughts such as how will I love 2 as much as I would love 1 baby? One baby suddenly seems like a piece of piss. One of everything to dress, feed and transport, one to focus on, to grow in my belly and love 100%.

I am a twin and although me and my mum are very, very close now, we were not when I was young. Mum did not know she was having twins until L was born and she tried to get up 'you are having another one Mrs W' they said and pushed her down again!

I was a pain in the butt! Breech, 4 pounds and went straight to ICU and spent the next week in an incubator while Mum took L home. Dad came to visit me but Mum could not really get out to the hospital, plus she was probably in shock still.

So I guess what I am worried about is...if I have a little mini me then I just hope we bond. I have a lot longer to get used to twins than my poor mum!

Anyhoooo, back to how I tell Bug it is twins. I am rehearsing all afternoon and have it patted down, a smooth delivery, how to sell the idea of twins to Bug.

In fact what happens is Bug gets home from work and immediately wants to see the scans and know more about it. I tell him that he better sit down and look at the pictures. He looks a little worried actually. I guess he can tell that my state is ruffled. He looks at the scans but I blurt out that 'there are two in there, there are TWO!'.

And his reaction - cool! chuffed, suprised and ... proud!!!! What a man! :-)

Obs day

ManOman! The past 2 days were a punishment for my hike up the Mooster.

Totally polaxed I just lie in the bathroom or the bed and sleep or puke. I am not human anymore boohoo. Pity pity.

I met my obstetrician today for the first time. he is a busy man so it was a whirlwind. luckily Bug made notes of everything he said which is a godsend as i cannot remember a single thing that I have to do from now on!

Bug also advocated for me how shitly sick I have been (I had lost yet more weight by that weigh in). We told him that I cannot eat and drinking is really hard and mostly comes up again. He perscribed me a canadian mornign sickness drug called Diclectin and I have to take x4 a day. he said to just sip at least a litre a day, sip every 10 minutes all day.

He also said no activities esp hiking as I am dehydrated and must not be dehydrated. I am kind of relieved.

He also did not believe that I am only 8 weeks pregnant when my last period date should make me 12 weeks pregnant so I have to arrange an early scan as soon as possible.

Also, sad news as my Granny died. My lovely Grandma Lily who I most took after in the whole family. We are both strapping women, very clumsy and forgetful. She was just great and was one of the peeps behind me being such a keen swimmer. She loved the outdoors and was sport to anything we demanded of her!

I did once nearly kill her by accident about 8 years ago. She has angina and I had cooked my favourite recipe of Jamie Oliver's Thai green curry for supper when she was visiting us for Christmas. I couldn't find the usually large green chillis from the recipe so I bought lots of very little green ones instead and just blended them all into the paste.....I was a chilli dummy as the meal was SO HOT we nearly blew up. It was inedible, disgusting and a health hazard. We all gave up immediately, but Gma refused to and she had tears running down her cheeks. Then she had an angina attack and we had to get her tongue spray from her bag. Made her eat baked beans on toast after that.

In terms of how I feel, today was not as bad as usual. Maybe it is going!

Will you .........

(The Moose with lighting over it - this is a good trail for running, one for the future)

I am crap at hiking now! I can't eat solids so feel very weedy and I know I am slow. For the hike I have oranges cut into quarters to suck on. They are easy but quite acidy so they do make me sick as well! I also have some still water to sip today...we'll see!

Moose Mountain is in Kananaskis Country and actually if you have wa

tched Brokeback Mountain you will know Moose as it is the central location where Jack and Ennis herd their sheep and Ennis at night looks down onto Jack's camp below.

K Country is beautiful and wild and only 45 minutes drive from our house. Before I started getting sick we would be cyclo-crossing our bikes on the MTB trails all around here. It is a free use area. In the national parks cycling is restricted onto roads and I have not yet mentioned how big the gino vehicles are and how bad Albertan drivers are.

So, back to Moose as something great happened today which is why I am blogging again so quickly! BUG PROPOSED!! Yes!!!! on the meadows of Brokeback Mountain. I said yes yes yes ...are you sure...yes yes yes ....really me??? ooh yes please thank you blah blah. He did have to propose twice as a daft French couple, the only other people in the vast open meadows at that time decided to sit 2 metres behind us!!! They had the entire meadows to roam and find somewhere to sit but no, they practically sat on us just as Bug was on his knee proposing to me! Bug whisked me behind a bush and proposed again and I gave a much more demure 'yes' that time.

(looking down onto the meadows - we hid in the bushes to the left)

YIPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

A lighting storm was raging over us so we hastily made our way back to the car. I totally bonked out on the way back and the last 2k was impossible. Bug got a bit moody with me and went off ahead, I didn't mind as I had the bear spray and he wants to marry me.

Worst motion sickness

yuk yuk yuk yuk

Slept through today as motion is dangerous! I must not even move my head.

Tomorrow is Bug's Bday hike...just Moose mountain.

OMG I feel so dizzy and vomiting a lot and the nausea is unbearable.

Grim grim grim

Bug's birthday

Today I was determined to be 'good'. It is Bug's birthday and I want him to have a decent meal at PikNik in Calgary. A French bistro that we (usually) both love.

At the moment the idea of entering a french bistro is too scary to contemplate but I am going to do it, even if, like Lizzy I have to run outside to puke!

I went swimming at the my nearest pool. I have been told that swimming can ease symptoms. Now, I usually will swim about 2 and a half miles in the 50 metre pool.....but today I got into the 25m pool and managed ...18 lengths with big rests after each 6 lengths. OMG I am wasted!!!

I also weigh myself on the scales. I last weighed myself here just before the sickness started and I am ashamed to admit that I was 77 kilos (!!). Well 9 days later i am 72.5. Quite some drop.

I make it out to meet Bug. he is at the pub with some colleagues. I join them and order a lime and soda off the waitress. Recently I have not been able to drink still water. It comes straight up again but I have found that naturally sparkling water sipped stays down (??? I don't know either crazeeee).

This is the strangest thing she has ever heard in her life..'Whaaat lime and soda' she says, really slowly. Yes I ask 'Do you have a lime squash or cordial?'

'a co...ordial?'

'you know ..lime?'

'Oh I getcha, yep yep comin up'

She brings over a pint of soda water with about 20 closely packed lime slices wedged around the rim.

'oh, uh thank you' I say thinking....what the hell, where do I even drink this from???

Richard's friend Brian feels sorry for my boring drink and orders me a 'Ceaser'. I have only found out what a ceaser is and I am scared. It is drink 'invented' in Calgary and probably, hopefully only consumed in Calgary.

Basically it is a bloody Mary but instead of tomato juice you use CLAMato juice.....any ideas what that is??? Got an idea but you are thinking it could n't possibly be..but you are right clam juice and watery tomato juice.

I cannot announce a pregnancy so early so how will I get round this obstacle? Just the thought is making me nearly barf all over the pub. Luckily R reads my mind and whenever B visits the bar or washroom or is engrossed in his iphone, Bug sips a bit and then I pretend to sip it but actually nothing enters my mouth.

Poor Bug ends up a bit sipped for our dinner but he is able to enjoy the food anyway. I actually eat some crunchy lettuce. Quite hilarious as that is the side bit of a dish. I ordered some fries but they are sweet potato fries and I instantly know that sweet potatoes will not work and too avoid.

All in all today was the best day so far, the easiest. I was only sick 4 times. Maybe all I need is to be more determined and less soft. Well done moi :)

More of the same old

I continued and still am being violently very sick. I don't even care about the vomiting actually. I dread this nausea. I wish I could describe extreme nausea to you. I am not very wordy and my earlier comment about being a green stagnant pond is in the right area but it has infiltrated every bit of me and I can't concentrate on or do anything else. If I already had children..or a job for that matter I would be neglecting both. This is worrying.

I also am producing huge HUGE amounts of saliva in my mouth. Sorry! I know that is gross but I could fill cups everyday. I have to spit it out or it just makes more sick. I have been very sick at nights too now due to swallowing it in my sleep. I tried to dribble on my pillow but have never dribbled and unfortunatley 33 is too late to learn.

I did find and OBs doctor a while ago and I see him for the first time on the 12th of August when I figure that I will be exactly 8 weeks pregnant. I really hope that he can help me cope with my MS. I do not have a family doctor. Calgary (and Canada) have problems of just not enough family doctors to go round and I have put us both on waiting lists since we moved here.

I hope that I can pull myself together this week as it is Bug's birthday on Friday the 7th and it has not been much fun for him recently with a half delirious girlfriend who is doing nothing back at home apart from mess up the bathroom and stay in bed all day!

Mount Borgeau

So I started the sickness on Tuesday and we had planned to be in Banff on the Friday and to climb Mount Borgeau.

Mt Borgeau is a good hike but quite a long'un of 22k. I was feeling so, so, so bad on the Friday when we arrived that I could not do it. I had a sob fest and wanted to go to hospital. Then I felt guilty at ruining Bug's planned weekend and being such a weak girl about not coping with morning sickness. Plus I had not eaten a thing since Tuesday!

We decided instead to do an easier walk of 12k through Johnston Canyon (beautiful but touristy) and continue up to Ink Pots (still touristy but pretty empty and spectacular). I fell asleep at ink pots and managed my first food since Tuesday - 6 pieces of penne pasta woohoo! I don't care, it stays down! I sip water the entire walk and that stays down too. I find that the walking actually helps as long as I do not move my head and continue in a straight line. I do have to close my eyes if I need to turn. I hope no hungry animals are watching, I would make easy bait.

(us in our steamy tent ooer!)

We are camping in tunnel mountain campground next to Banff. I get up a lot in the night to be sick and hack it through the darkness to the washrooms. I consider sleeping in there. I am in there in the morning being sick and exit the cubicle to get stared at by a bunch of cow women who probably think that I am a drunk!

I cannot eat breakfast. I sit there a stare at the food, I am really hungry but I just cannot eat it. I know by now that if I put it into my mouth and try to eat it I will be very sick. That sounds to me like a mental illness....maybe I am mentally ill. I put some into my mouth and I puke it up about 3 minutes later. I stick to apple juice instead.

Bug is determined to hike Borgeau without me! I just cannot let him do that he never makes any noise or bear calls on the trails and I am still under the illusion that there is a bear behind every tree. I insist on going with him and protecting him with my bear spray.

The hike starts off boring. Up for 90 mins in thick tree cover with no view. The forest we are in feels ancient and damp with moss and lichens growing over knarly old tree fall. I am very, very slow and some absolute Mr Knobhead passes us and says to Bug that he may need to push me up at this rate. #$%)*&^% whoever he is I hope he gets diarrihia in public!

I am intending to stop at the Borgeau Lake which is 7.5k into the trail and is in a beautiful flowery cirque beneath the summit of Borgeau. I get up there and Mr Knob is there. He laughs at my bear spray "ah hahah bear spray snort". What is his problem!!! I hope he gets eaten by a bear, face first. I decide to hike up to the next lake to escape him...only at the next lake there are horseflies filling the air so I continue with Bug to the Harvey Pass.

The view from Harvey Pass is stunning. I can see Sunshine ski village below us in the next valley as well as other valleys that look like no human would even enter them. The lichens on the rocks up here are soft lilacs, purple, oranges, and reds. In the distance in Mount Assiniboine the 'Matterhorn of the Rockies'.

(pic of upper lake on route to Harvey Pass)

I suddenly felt a lot better and end up continuing my walk...the thing is with mountains that trails do not look very far when in fact they are. Also, once you can see the summit it is too tantilising not to summit.

Paula Radcliffe was still running for hours a day at 6 months pregs. I tell myself not to be such a hypochondriac and just do it!

I bonk in the last 90 mins of the descent. In the section through the trees back to the car park I lie down in the path and throw my toys out the pram. Bug makes me eat half a banana and feel the energy pretty quickly from that. We drive straight to Melissa's Steak house in Banff and order two steak dinners.

Only once it comes I nearly puke on the steak and Bug takes it away. I do have some bread and chips tho so that's ok.

The next day I sleep all day and stay in bed pretty ill for the next few days. The hikes were too much and I know I burnt my wick too much. I am still learning some boundaries here. I just need to be able to manage this, harness it and get on with it.

I woke up this morning and felt like I had drunk 27 litres of crap wine..or maybe I had bad flu.. or maybe erregehrgh quick! The bathroom.....

I have already been sick over 10 times!!! IS this morning sickness! Does it start really violently and then calm down or something? Maybe I have food poisoning. It is not just being sick but the nausea is oppressive, I am green as a foul murky stagnated pond. I have motion sickness and if I move my head everything spins and then I am sick again! I remember feeling a bit like this when I was 9 years old and had bad flu. I was in and out of hospital. I could not move my head or walk without being sick - snap! I could not look at a picture of food, or food itself - snap! The easiest thing was to lay still, not speak, not listen or hear anything and try to be as comatose as possible until I got better...hmmm.

Oh well, looks like morning sickness. Hopefully it bursts out and then clams down. 50% to 80% of women have morning sickness so I am among billions of women here and must not be a wuss.

So it is now the 26th July and I am fiveish weeks preggos. We are on our way up to Edmonton as we are both taking part in the Tour de L'Alberta - a cyclosportive north of the city. I was joining Bug on the 160k ride but due to the summer heat I am going to be careful and just be steady on the 100k ride instead.

So we have had our news settle in now and you know what? Bug was great, he was brill. He said wow and that one is ok, it will not change our lives negatively. We can take junior hiking with us in one of those baby rucksacks and it will be fine. I love this man :)

I have told my friend Lizzy about being pregs and she started her morning sickness at 6 weeks on the dot. I very much doubt I will be someone who is lucky enough not to get MS, I was sick even on the pill!. I am expecting it and have a list of things to cope with it. Lizzy swore by white seedless grapes and I read that if you feel nauseous that means you are hungry. I have noticed my appetite decreasing quite dramatically in the past few days tho so maybe I will escape it???

So we do our rides. Bug is back first in his race and I did a steady 3 1/2 hours - that's ok I guess, I am pregnant! I avoided some goons crashing - mostly triathletes who just cannot ride in groups doh!

Speaking of triathlons. I had pulled out of the Calgary 1/2 Ironman before I found out I was pregnant. I was being treated for painful hip bursitus so not allowed to run. I have been forwarded to next years entry...I will have only 4/5 months to get fit again after junior arrives!

I really hope that I can emulate Paula Radcliffe and keep training until birth. Only high risk pregnancies have restrictions. Doubt I fall into that category.

So I open the pack and there are actually 2 tests inside.

I may be a little too soon on this test.

Immediately I see 2 lines in each box....this means OH!

I pee on another stick....2 lines OMG!

I get in the car and drive to 2 more pharmacies and buy another 8 sticks.

By the end of my pee fest I have 9 positive and 1 negative!! (The negative one was half price)

I have to sit down for a long time to let it sink in. How do I feel about this? Well not suprisingly mixed. I am stressed about poor Bug first. I don't want to 'burden' him with an out of work nearly wife and child, he has a lot on his plate with his job...plus he is a planner and this is not planned. However, I do feel like this is right and I am ready. I am 33 years old and perfectly capable of being very good at this, plus totally chuffed and suprised that we did this naturally.

My next thought is my life...'I will have to give up running and cycling and spontaneous trips, I have ruined everything waaah I will get fat....

Then I think oh wow a baby, a family!!!!

And so on for about 8 hours

So I did get the stick the next day but I was not ready to face it. I hid it in the bathroom at the back of the bottom draw under the QTips.

Last night I am in bed and Bug (Richard) is in the bathroom and he needs a QTIP!!!

Shit! I freeze in bed as I here him opening the draws and rummaging around in each of them.

Then I hear 'Mini..why have you got a pregnancy test' and he comes straight into the room. I cannot believe he found it!! I mean I never want to be secretive from him or deceitful but I would like to sit down and have a chat about it first. Even Bridget Jones managed this bit better than me.

I just said the truth..that my period has still not come and I am a bit worried.

Bug seems fine and falls straight to sleep! I lie there for hours thinking uh oh no no no.

I realise that this makes me sound like some irresponsible brat. Well, I am too old to be a brat but having just moved here I am trying to get my freelance career off the ground. Now if I get pregnant I do ruin not only my career but our income. I love my work in innovation and design and it is going to be hard to find that niche as Calgary is definately not the heart of Canada's innovation and design industry.

I have got friends who have had the hell of IVF rounds before their babies have come and some still have not been lucky, sadly some never will. I guess if I was to be suddenly, unexpectedtly pregnant I would feel a bit guilty and well yes, irresponsible. However, we have a solid relationship so whatever the outcome is it will be fine.

Something started bothering me this week.

I haven't had a period for ummm....6 weeks.

I have endometrosis so that is not too odd a thing, plus I have only had a couple of periods this year. I had a mirena coil removed just before we emigrated from the UK to Canada. I hated that coil it made me turn into a chunky slugish pile of yuk.

Even so, the operation (laproscopy) I had before the coil was put in was a success I still had gyni probs and issues so I couldn't possibly just get pregnant.....could I?

Tomorrow I will visit the pharmacy and get a stick to pee on. I am sure I coudln't be.

OOO Canada !!

The O is in O Canada for a reason I guess as junior was conceived on Canada Day! Little did I realise I was instantly 2 weeks pregnant at that point! (Is a bit odd to back date a preg)

But enough of that, we went off on a little cycling jaunt for the reminder of the week. We stayed 2 hours away in Lake Louise at the Chateau - it must be the ugliest building ever built in such a beautiful setting.

Cycled the Bow Valley Parkway which is the back route in between Lake Louise and Banff. I was really expecting to see a bear on this ride but no bears appeared. The ride was pretty easy, only did around 70k and had a nice meal with wine that night at Deer Lodge which is the hotel behind the Chateau.

(Stunning eh? Oh and that is Crowfoot Glacier behind Bug)

The next day we cycled 160k of the Icefields '10 switzerlands in one' Parkway. It links Lake Louise to Jasper which is 250k to the north...Okay this road puts the O into OCanada! O in the beauty of the mountains, glaciers and blue lakes that line the parkway to the O of pain my mouth formed in the first 25k climb and the Bow summit climb. This ride had less elevation gain than last weeks ride of the Highwood Pass in Kananaskis - the highest road in North America BUT Bow summit from north to south was a brick sucker. Richard make it fun (not) by easily cycling up ahead, stopping, stretching, resting and then hiding in a bush to take a photo of me as I squeaked past.

We did get to see a bear and it's cubs that day on the summit. They were about 20 metres from the road and calmly eyeing us. Did not stay for long but they seemed so calm that we did stop on the road to take a picture.

Anyway, how cool that junior has already been on 2 excellent bike rides and I don't even know it yet.