Dr to cure thrush I hope and pray

We finally got to see a specialist doctor yesterday 2 weeks after this started and it was not a moment too soon. the thrush has gone right into the juniors and they have hideous nappy rash (symptomatic of thrush), Joe had the sore patches in his mouth and Helen has them at the back of her throat - hence the reluctance to feed. Poor mites. Joe also had his tongue tie cut AGAIN! so he was even more upset. Explains how the thrush came about. Joe was biting me now and again and he did not have the best latch. It is already better but the bites were how the thrush got in probably.

We all have to have oral meds and creams, the pharma bill was $600! What would a less fortunate person do if they got this?

Anyway, I am using a lactation aid to replace some of the expressed milk bottle feeds and get them used to the breast again. Joe is fine but I am worried that Helen will end up a bottle baby...or just very skinny. I am on Motilium only until my supply is up again - not sure about this drug at all but desperate to keep BFeeding.

I get lots of advice form AJ and professionals but I also read Dr Jack Newmans website, he is a BF doctor and has a comprehensive load of info.

Dr Jacks site

AND this one too (bad name, good site).

http://www.kellymom.com/

Welcome to the world kiddoes!

Welcome to the world Joseph Edward Thomas Tozer at 6lb and Helen Elizabeth Anne Tozer at 5lb5oz!!!! Born on March 13th at 01:50am by emergency CS.

More details to follow but seeing these two beautiful little miracles changed my life in a second. Tiny perfect little people.

38 weeks!!!

Never thought I would post for 38 weeks but here we are.

So...today was our 38 week OB appointment! I was feeling very nervous before the appointment but could not work out why. After all, in terms of the babies health and development I have had a perfect preggo (just me and bits of me falling off!). Everything has been fine but I had a nagging feeling of something about this appointment.

Bug was with me because we both want to wait until I go into a natural labour over being induced and knew that the docs would be keen to induce me on Wednesday. We managed to hold them off until Friday which is not long but by then I am hoping that over 13 pounds of babies, 3 pounds of placenta and lots of amnio weight should start a natural labour. Bug has been the best advocate for a lot of this pregnancy, he has got me help for the HG and here he was much firmer than me in not being persuaded into medical convenience.

Our reasoning in based on my mum. My mum went into a natural labour with Liz and I at 38+4 days and we collectively weighed nearly 11 pounds so I may just do it! Inducements are also very, very painful compared to going into labour naturally. Imagine running a marathon. The ideal way would be to use all your 9 months of preparation and then slowly start your warm up. Muscles can stretch and warm up slowly, into a trot, a jog and a then a run, you are perfectly in control of you physical state. Good hey! PB even! However, take an induction, unexpected, not as well prepared, suddenly you have to go from standing still and cold into a marathon length sprint - your muscles will hurt, rip and you will be very uncomfortable.

That is why I want a natural start! (Plus the natural release of oxytocin for when I see the little juniors for the first time).

That procedure was 19 hours ago. I had started cramping for a while afterwards but nothing that consumed me and then they faded!

So, with no labour to start we went to our last Twins, triplets and more (aargh!) class over at ‘The Foot’. The class only had half of the usual bunch but it was a great atmosphere last night and I learned some really valuable tips so actually made some notes. This was all post partum information about baby care and mum care. As usual the dads were hilarious. They had to pick objects out of a mum’s post partum bag and explain why we would need it. One man picked breast pads and he had no idea why we would need them! When he learned why he exclaimed ‘leaking from there too! They leak everywhere!’ Our teacher said that even the sound of someone else's baby crying some distance away can make your boobies leak! Going to be avoiding the downtown playgroup when the juniors are born as I can always hear babies wailing from that establishment!

So now I am on the final countdown to being a mum and Bug a dad. It is daunting, it always was but anticipation (of labour pain, of looking after them and no sleep) is always more dramatic than the real thing so I refuse to ponder scenarios and imagine feelings. I insist that we take it day by day and hour by hour when they arrive. We are prepared, have read lots, have a doula and are pretty mature, certainly in age! In the past three months we have expected preemie babies so to have full term heavies will literally and figuratively feel like a huge weight has been lifted.

Roll on labour, juniors, no sleep and leaky boobies!

37 weeks

Had our final scan today at 37 weeks. This was one of the most complicated scans ever for the technician to decipher who was what and was where. They are totally entwined and turkey's belly could not be measured due to Jerky’s legs in it, her head was so far down my fanjeeta that I needed an internal measurement. Jerky is so wedged he can barely move and he failed the movement test this time so we had to have another non stress test. Thankfully the little monkey started moving so no stress for anyone!

Apparently they like that sardine lifestyle and the doctor was very happy with them. They are bang on the average (50th percentile) weight and size for their gestation. Jerky was 6 pounds and 4 oz, Turkey was 5 pounds and 13 Oz - but as her belly was not measured ‘in the round’ they said this was a weight under estimation and she will be more.

Next time we see the juniors they will be in the outside world :-)

No sign of any labour activity...I feel like I am in the twilight zone, not just from lack of sleep, but also waiting for some thing to happen. I have been a moody emotional spanner this week. I am tired with my 100 wee trips a night and the gino belly and I have been weepy to the point of embarrassment. I imagined meeting them for the first time....wept! Imagined Bug meeting them...wept! Wanted to be able to walk a mile...wept, made some tea...wept.

Am fine again now but is that normal? Bug will keep and eye on me post partum just in case. Apparently 25% of new mums have PPD!!!! The number is even higher with multiple mums so I am scared of getting it. We have info to hand and help in case I do. I will also keep a close eye on Bug as I am used to chaos and disorganization but he is much more used to routine and planned schedule, tidiness and no suprises!

As long as we both don't get it! yikes.

HG is back but the 13 week scan was amazing

(I look cute from the side)

(But really spooky from the front rah!)

Really bad HG over the next 11 days darn it!

I am vomiting lots of blood again and have turned yellow skinned! For some reason I do not want to go to hospital. I have to sleep in a separate bed from bug as even his smell makes me sick. Now I know I am ill as he actually has NO SCENT! I have always thought that he is like the scentless Grenouille in the book Perfume but without the murderous villan bit.

However, a good thing in this time, a great thing was our 13 week scan. It feels like a long time ago that I last saw them both and I was very suprised at what we both saw today. No, don't worry it is not triplets! They were moving, dancing in fact. I did not expect this as I have only seen static pictures before. They looked like teeny tiny babies as well with lovely cute face profiles. We were gobsmacked. We saw tiny feet and long legs it was amazing!

The point of the 13 weeks scan is to see if there is a chance that the fetus could have downs syndrome or another chromosonal problem. They measure the thickness on the back of the babies neck and also take your blood. With the combined data from both tests they can give you a statistic on the likelyhood of your baby having downs.

As our is a twin preg we could not have the blood test as statistical data so we were just given the nuchal test to measure the back of the neck. One of the juniors kept dancing away in there and the sonographer took a very long time to capture it's neck! One was very well behaved and pretty still. Guess who takes after who hmmm?

The outcome of the test was a 1 in 1646 chance of twin B have downs and a 1 in 455 chance of twin A. That is over average for my age and the doctors said it was a positively good result and did not recommend any further test! Yippeeeeee I feel 10 stone lighter!

Seeing them also makes HG easier to cope with. I cannot feel the junior yet and I do not look pregnant, I just feel ill so to see two moving active babies is a massive joy and boost.

How low can I go?

Oh dear, things got a bit worse and ended up admitted in hospital!

So today is Tuesday and last Friday I took a nose dive. I did not think it would get any worse. I was wrong.

I have been finding it harder and harder to even sip liquid and most of the time it is coming out but with more liquids. On Saturday not a single sip would go down, we tried everything: hot tea, cold tea, energy drink, still and fizzy water, slush puppy stuff. But no, it is coming out immediately and I am wrecked.

I stay in bed as I am too dizzy and ill. If I move I am violently sick and everything spins.

By Monday I still cannot drink and I know that this is dangerous now it has been nearly 3 days without liquid going in and more coming out. I go to the bathroom to be sick and just big blobs of blood come out, that then alternates with bile and blood and I have to crawl as I am too tired and dizzy to walk.

I ring Bug at work and tell him about the blood sicks and he comes straight home from work and takes me to the local ER where they get me hooked up on some IVs and in a warm bed.

The IVs are really cold! I don't remember huge amounts about this night, the doctor says something about hyperemesis and twin pregnancies. They put some Gravol into me thru IV. Gravol, they explain is an OTC med in Canada to stop nausea. The only thing is Gravol makes me feel worse, I feel like I am tripping out and spinning! Things get totally weird and then I am really sick. So they give me something else called Zofran and you know what? This stuff works! It is a definate change very quickly.

Zofran is actually a medicine made for Chemotherapy patients (I am reading up on this). It is called an anti-emetic to stop you vomiting and cut some nausea away.

Not much research pins down the causes of hyperemesis so the only treatment for severe cases are drugs developed for cancer treatments. For some women even these do not work.

You know I have known a few people on chemo but I never realised that on the top of a life threatening and painful illness they are made even sicker by chemotherapy! I feel a bit humbled that I am no way as ill as a chemo patient and I also will have a lovely gift at the end of this.

Being ill gives me an insight that I hopefully can use as compassion one day. I have never been so ill before and so I have never got the concept about being 'ill'. I honestly thought you had to think positively and be strong (sorry), get on with it. I was an ignorant twat.

It also makes me realise a couple of things about my old job. I loved my old job, I loved the culture, the work, I loved deadline buzzes and mental hours and hard work. However if someone was ill for a long time and signed off it was a career killer. You just were not sick if you wanted the ladder. I would of killed my career if I was there, I am unable to work...have a shower, get dressed, drink ( I write this up a lot later on a good day).

One day I will never forget

I ring the scan place and explain that I think I am 8 weeks while my OBs thought I was 12 and they told me to come right in right away! Yikes!

I rung Bug and he was sadly stuck in a meeting and unable to come. I was feeling very yuk and dizzy so I got the C train down to the centre and was sick in a bag on the train! Nice!

So I am in a nice darkened calm room and there is a big screen in front of me with the innards of my tummy showing. I have never paid these images any attention. When colleagues and friends have bought in pictures of their fetuses I have looked at an image of greyscale noise with some blobs on it and it goes over my head...suddenly this is me and my baby, suddenly it matters!

The sonographer asks me "have you been taking fertility drugs"

"Nope" I say

"Have you had IVF"

"No"

Suddenly something doesn't feel right in the air. It is like a pause, or a 'thing' is hanging above me.

"why, is it alright? Is the baby ok?"

"well....there are two little guys in here, look"

and then she brings the clearest image up on the screen of two little prawns each in their own sack floating in a sea of noise.

I think I must of been silent for a while...twins goes over in my head again and again.

"shit"

I quickly back this up with an explanation as I sound like a bad mother.

"I mean, I am a twin and I was terrible, my poor mum, she didn't sleep for years"

I think of how on earth to tell Bug this news. he is going to have 3 extra mouths to feed not just 2! We will need two of everything, double the expense. How will we manage two babies in a country with no family and what if I get really fat!

"Sorry, what reaction do most people have when they find out they are having twins?"

"A lot of people cry, they are shocked, upset, worried"

"ok"

I have to tell Richard as soon as he is back from work. He rings me about an hour later when I am back home. I decide not to tell him then as he is at work and my not be able to contain his shock privately.

I am feeling kind of down about this and worried. Thoughts such as how will I love 2 as much as I would love 1 baby? One baby suddenly seems like a piece of piss. One of everything to dress, feed and transport, one to focus on, to grow in my belly and love 100%.

I am a twin and although me and my mum are very, very close now, we were not when I was young. Mum did not know she was having twins until L was born and she tried to get up 'you are having another one Mrs W' they said and pushed her down again!

I was a pain in the butt! Breech, 4 pounds and went straight to ICU and spent the next week in an incubator while Mum took L home. Dad came to visit me but Mum could not really get out to the hospital, plus she was probably in shock still.

So I guess what I am worried about is...if I have a little mini me then I just hope we bond. I have a lot longer to get used to twins than my poor mum!

Anyhoooo, back to how I tell Bug it is twins. I am rehearsing all afternoon and have it patted down, a smooth delivery, how to sell the idea of twins to Bug.

In fact what happens is Bug gets home from work and immediately wants to see the scans and know more about it. I tell him that he better sit down and look at the pictures. He looks a little worried actually. I guess he can tell that my state is ruffled. He looks at the scans but I blurt out that 'there are two in there, there are TWO!'.

And his reaction - cool! chuffed, suprised and ... proud!!!! What a man! :-)