Last night I rang my mum in the UK in utter despair, Helen had been crying for hours on end and wanting to feed non-stop. Their little cries go stright into my nervous system and teamed with utter exhaustion I feel terrible. I know that if this schedule continues I will most certainly end up with PND. Mum and Liz arrive in 12 days - That feels like forever, every day seems to pass very slowly and I am getting terrified of the night as the evenings approach. I have spoken to my doula about how hard I am finding the nights and she is doing 2 consecutive nights with us before Bug returns to work. That is still over a week away and I wish I could fast forward, it feels like forever.
I sound really down don’t I? This is the hardest thing ever, I do not know how much of what I am feeling is from the operation or the adjustment to motherhood or the exhaustion. You certainly learn extreme new limits being a mum. People say how hard and tiring it is - but I had no idea! I am beyond exhausted and my world has shrunk to the size of my sofa where I just feed feed and feed.
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