me again :-)

Hello again, well I know I said that I woudl make the 2 year old post my last but now that they are 3 years old and 2 months of age I get about oooo 9  mins a day to faff online. I got really clucky again recently and started cooing at babies and started to think what if....

Then I got the flu.  Holy cow, I was unable to eat for 3 weeks and it put me right back to memories of HG. The Flu was not as bad as HG as I could drink and had no motion sickness, hypersalivation etc but I did have 2 kddies and was so tired. It made me remember that I cannot risk HG again while these nippers are still young (unless I hire a personal nurse, nany for the kids and accept guilt).

Another more important thing has been on my mind, well 2 things, one, how/ why do people get HG and 2, the recovery after.

1. I have read a few reports of women eating a high fat diet and links to HG. Not sure how tenuous or researched that link is but that thought hung with me and then...

2. I was exhausted after they were born having had no food and atrophied just about every muscle (including my brain).  At 18 months I plummed further being so tired and always ill with a bad virus.  The doctor wondered ME and then after a move to the US I had some blood work done and they found Candida Albicans.

So ME symptoms, constant wheezes and viruses were casued by candida.  Only usual candida patients are in chemo, have aids or some other bad illness. The only illness i had was HG and then huge antibiotics for the c section.

I started to read nutrition books to see how I could get better. Then I started to get very interested in nutrition.

I have had a battle to kick the candida, that is hard and very restrictive (remember the battles with yeast at 8 weeks old?).  I think it is mostly under check.

I had read up on the candida diet and also read some other books like Born to Run (I used to run so this was escapism), it mentioned vegan diets. I used to be a vegan so was inetrested.

Then I watched Forks Over Knives and my life changed. I read The China Study, got the Engine 2 book, enjoyed Rich Roll's Finding Ultra.

I changed to a low fat, whole foods only plant based eater and my energy came back :-)

I also wondered if the point number 1. that  I made about high fat diets could have some sway.  It seems all western diets are too high in fat. Dr Mc Dougall and Dr Essletyn  and Jeff Novick (all leading Drs and dietician in US) will recommend the plant based whole food and low fat diet and they recommend a much lower fat intake per day than the standard American diet recommends (SAD) at 10% or less.

Anyway, interesting thoughts to add are could too much animal proteins lead to HG? Would being a plant based eater help avoid HG in the first place?  So many illnesses come from eating meat based food and drink and so much illness is reversed from eating plant based that it makes me wonder.

So guess what I hope to return to university to study? (next year)

2 years later (I got a moment of peace!)

So this is probably my last post for the blog. I had no idea I had even updated it after their birth!  They are 2 now and very hard but lovely and rewarding work. 
I just read back on some of these posts and think a few things:
HG suffering is definatly worth it - look at them!  Never again tho :-(
Breast feeding - I did 14 months and no supplementing and I am immensely proud but really ladies, chill. If i had to go thru that thrush again or if I had twins again then I would erm...relax myself and maybe bottle feed after 3 months. 
Sleep - ahh well, forget it! They still wake every night for at least an hour or take it in turns to so I only get a full nights sleep about once every 2 weeks. Honestly!  teething or illness, or night terrors. I have heard age 3 is the magic 'ta da' age :-)
Weight gain...well apparently my metabolic rate was so shot from not eating for 7 months and bed rest that I was doomed to pile it on. I have been eating healthily every 3 hours and that helps. Cake I am afriad is bad ass and would make anyone gain weight. no. more. cake.  I had to stop running due to stability issues and hips from the preggo but am doing heaps of pilates now and barefoot running practise so maybe one day....... Tough 2.5 years but they are the best lil beans and it just gets better! if I had no HG, a killer body and a full time nanny I would have 12 kids :-)

Good sleeping :-)

Woohooo! I feel that we have cracked so much in the sleep area in the last 2 weeks. A couple of weeks ago Joe woudl not sleep without bouncing. That went on for about 10 days until we introduced a proper routine for their bedtime. This has made all the difference.

So...before the last feed we take them upstairs, get them into their sleepers and sleep bags, wash their faces and oil them, then feed them and then read them a baby story book. These steps seems to be working as signals as bedtime has become much more of a pleasure. They are always asleep by 8pm, 3 times a week they just drift off to sleep with nowt a cry but 4 times a week they cry a bit and we shhhh them gently and rub their tummies and heads which helps them calm down. I hvae let them just cry for 5 minutes and then I be a mum and go and pat and shhhh them again - usually they then nod off.

Of course, I know by now that next week coudl be different but they are loving their routine right now. I do not really have a schedule but around certains parts of the day I have routine...want to know??

OK

They wake up. If they are still asleep at 8am I wake them up (but usually they wake at 7:30am)

Feed

Carry both downstairs and change and dress, They play on own and with me for 100 mins after wake time and then they have a nap and sleep for 30 - 45 mins. They go down very easily for morning nap

Play a bit more and then feed 3 hours after morning feed so approx 10:30.

Then pop them into buggy and go for walkies. I usually go get a coffee and chat to peeps. i have just found a nice park full of mums to chat too as well - tres happy about that :-)

Next feed 1:30pm, then straight up for a nap after feed. They sleep for 30 mins to 45 mins.

Then they play on own and with me until next feed at 4:30pm.

Then we play for 45 mins (we do standy up, sitty down, rolly over, we play with toys and sing, dance, look in kitchen etc etc) and then I pop them back into buggy and we go for a run! I run for 40 mins and they can look out of the buggy (thru the mozzie net and sun shader) at trees, rivers etc.

Then we play a bit more, or I have one in the baby bjorn front facing and one in the bouncy chair on the worktop and prep dindins - they like to 'help' me by watching or holding wooden spoons.

Then BUG gets home and sometimes I crank out a heeeelp, but more often these days I am feelign much more normal and can hold down an adult conversation where I actually ask him how his day went!

Then we start the bed time routine like I mentioned.

I am usually in bed by 10pm, asleep by 11:30 (I cannot sleep boohoo). We do a night feed anytime from midnight to 5am. It takes just minutes and they go straight back to sleep.

How things change from those early days. I would never of believed we could do all this on our own back then, i feel pretty proud about things esp the breast feeding which is still goign very well.

Running

Me weighing a heavty amount, no bum shots allowed - too big!!

Check out the Chariot!

(how do it turn the picture round?)

So I have been running now for 5 weeks. I wanted to start running at 4 months as I have always loved running and it has always been good for weight loss.

Ah...weight loss. At their 4 month doctor appointment (meant to be 3 month but was late) I weighed 84 kilos!!! I have put on a third of my body weight since I was 16 weeks pregnant and I am looked pretty heavy AND HORRORS - I have 'fat back' YUK I hate fat back!! I have never been so weighty so I am feeling pretty bloddy sad about how I look.

How did I get this big? Well, I can tell you :-).

Breastfeeding does not burn calories with everyone and I have eaten a lot of cake! Also I have not left the house to exercise until week 15! After birth I weighed 77kilos, went upto 79 by week 6 and then was 84 at week 16.

SO for the past 5 weeks I have gone out with the Chariot twice a day. My morning walk and then my run. My run loops are both 4.5k. Bearing in mind I have had 11 months of atrophy 4.5k is pretty good and I started it by just walking it for the first week. Then I started adding in little jogs. My boobies were all over the shop so wore another bra on top of other bra and by third week was running to one tree and then walking to next etc etc. Now I can run 3.5 k in one go and my last run I was running parts - not just jogging! It comes back quickly you know. Even if you are a running novice it can only take a month to build muscle up (a bit longer for ligaments etc so don't go crazee). Also, I have the official word and evidence from me that exercise does not reduce milk supply if built up carefully.

I plan to add more distance soon and when winter comes maybe get on the turbo trainer.

I think the kiddies enjoy the routes, they see trees, cars, rivers, bridges, birds and dogs.

A few weeks in and I am stuck at 80kilos but know that I am still having the odd oaty biscuit or slice of cake (shhh heheh) IF I cut down even more then another 4 ks should shift.

Slowly and surely.

First laughs

This week both Joe and Helen both did their first laugh out louds! I was so suprised at their little peels of laughter and of course LOL'd myself. Joe laughed when I was slobbering him with big slurpy kisses and Helen laughed when I put her feet up her nostrils haha! She spends most of the day holding her feet so she was in awe of her new found toe skills :-)

They are starting to be little humans now. They still have the same basic personalities that they were born with but they add layer upon layer of newness onto their little selfs. They are changing so fast now that I am trying to remember all the changes and hope that I do not forget them.

PLUS sleeping...Joe has been hard work since Munchy left with getting him to sleep. While Helen rolls over, sucks her thumb and goes off to nod, Joe screams for ever until we give up and bounce him. I know this is wrong and a potential bad habit but he disturbs Helen and then she cries and boom goes the next hour! We are thinking of separating their rooms so he cannot disturb her.

Joe talks!

So this evening I was talking to the juniors and I noticed Joebug watching my mouth closely and trying to repeat my words!

I said "mama"

Joe said "mmmmmammmmma"

I said "Helen"

Joe said "eeeeeeeeeeennnnn"

I said "hello"

Joe said "eeeeeeeeeooooooo"

Our new Chariot CX2

We finally purchased the best model of Chariots on the market! I am so excited about this marvellous buggy. It can run, ski, bike and hike on trails, it has full suspensions, disc brake, glides like a dream. the kiddoes love it and I can get out more. Cannot wait for snow now to x country ski some wide trails :-)

Chariot do a couple of dual models and they are made right here in Calgary.

Boohoo again

Worst motherhood day so far. Gawd, this is hard. Nips hurt so much, they both burn now and turn white. I feel faint when they latch the pain is so bad. Pumping and bottle feeding. Not ideal but have to have a break. They have fed constantly today and I have not left the nursery until 3pm!! Rang up Bug in floods of tears, he came home and sent me to bed!

On a good note. The juniors are beginning to sleep well at night. They have a long first stretch of 5 hours between feeds so I can sometime s get a 2.5 maybe even 3 hour stretch of blissful, heavenly, precious sleep in. I love sleep. Sleep rules.

Candida diet

I have now cut out all sugars as part of the candida diet to beat this thrush. The diet can be 4 to 6 months long!!!! I am in mourning for cake, biscuits, bread, fruit, fruit juice, milk...any lactose, glucose, fructose...alchohol, refined foods. In short the list of what you CAN eat is shorter so I can eat nothing but meat (not processed) and veggies. I have bought some pumpernickel bread to eat as i need some snacking food so i hope that passes.

Here is the diet. Thrush is that bad that I have given up on cake. Never ever thought I would do that.

We have to boil everything my nipples and breast milk touches for 20 mins in vinegar water - that is as well as sterilsing them, I wash my hands and nipples in vinegar water and the washing is now at the hottest setting with vinegar instead of conditioner.

Dr to cure thrush I hope and pray

We finally got to see a specialist doctor yesterday 2 weeks after this started and it was not a moment too soon. the thrush has gone right into the juniors and they have hideous nappy rash (symptomatic of thrush), Joe had the sore patches in his mouth and Helen has them at the back of her throat - hence the reluctance to feed. Poor mites. Joe also had his tongue tie cut AGAIN! so he was even more upset. Explains how the thrush came about. Joe was biting me now and again and he did not have the best latch. It is already better but the bites were how the thrush got in probably.

We all have to have oral meds and creams, the pharma bill was $600! What would a less fortunate person do if they got this?

Anyway, I am using a lactation aid to replace some of the expressed milk bottle feeds and get them used to the breast again. Joe is fine but I am worried that Helen will end up a bottle baby...or just very skinny. I am on Motilium only until my supply is up again - not sure about this drug at all but desperate to keep BFeeding.

I get lots of advice form AJ and professionals but I also read Dr Jack Newmans website, he is a BF doctor and has a comprehensive load of info.

Dr Jacks site

AND this one too (bad name, good site).

http://www.kellymom.com/

Nipple THRUSH!

Please, can I be put back into labour rather than face this pain???

Well, what a couple of weeks this has been. THings were getting much easier with feeding the juniors and they had gone to 6 feeds a day, they were sleeping longer stretches at night and I was tandeming them on my ownsome!

THEN....I got a milk blister, holy jesus it hurt so much that that booby was out of commission until the following evening when i popped it, heated it etc etc.

The next day at my 6 week check up all was fine I was breast feeding again and they were happy weight gaining little monsters.

THEN I got thrush of the nipples.

(drum roll) They were feeling a bit crispy and worn out - much like how I feel all over these days and I got joe to latch on and promptly started to pass out in pain.....the symptoms are horrible and very very painful, all of the innards of my boobs had shooting stabbing pains, the nipple itself felt clamped and turned white and then burnt for hours - it was impossible to feed them on the breast. I can take pain but this shot thru my skull and curled my toes the wrong way.

AJ was fast to diagnose thrush (i had no idea, i thought it was a bad latch) and once i read the symptoms i realised it was a nasty case. Helen has been quite badly affected and will not feed at all now on my breast - she fusses and cries and pulls away and will not, even if really hungry feed on my breast. I cannot even wear tops or cuddle them as the slightest brush is too painful. Poor things have to look at me from the bouncy chair when they actually want a cuddle form Mum :-( boohoo. Self pity moment.

The A* Team

Well I said good bye to my Mum and sister who had a longer stay due to flights being grounded due to the volcano in Iceland hehe!

They were amazing, amazing amazing. They took it in turns every feed to help me get them latched, move their arms out of the way, wipe away slippery milk, take them away and change nappies, cook, clean - everything.

Having kids of my own has made me realise what my parents did for me and I am so grateful to my Mum for being a good mum. She had suprise twins after having had untreated HG for 9 months - can you imagine? I have been so critical of her at times and spent my time with her apologising for being a horrible teenager!

I hope my kids do not grow up and be horrible to me. After all of this it would break my heart.

6 days in and Tandeming

Well, they are 6 days old and I cannot stand letting one cry while I take forever to feed the other one so I started tandeming today. Somehow I started it on my own but it is really hard. They move their arms in the way all the time so you cannot latch them and they are so floppy and small. They fall asleep and need constant waking up. My milk spray out (massive let down) so I need help wiping all the slip away or they cannot latch.

Boohoo

Last night I rang my mum in the UK in utter despair, Helen had been crying for hours on end and wanting to feed non-stop. Their little cries go stright into my nervous system and teamed with utter exhaustion I feel terrible. I know that if this schedule continues I will most certainly end up with PND. Mum and Liz arrive in 12 days - That feels like forever, every day seems to pass very slowly and I am getting terrified of the night as the evenings approach. I have spoken to my doula about how hard I am finding the nights and she is doing 2 consecutive nights with us before Bug returns to work. That is still over a week away and I wish I could fast forward, it feels like forever.

I sound really down don’t I? This is the hardest thing ever, I do not know how much of what I am feeling is from the operation or the adjustment to motherhood or the exhaustion. You certainly learn extreme new limits being a mum. People say how hard and tiring it is - but I had no idea! I am beyond exhausted and my world has shrunk to the size of my sofa where I just feed feed and feed.

Back from Hospital

If you ever have to have a CS then try to get your partner to stay the night with you as it turns you into a blubbering wobbly mess. Richard stayed with me on nights 2 and 3 in the hospital. They gave him a cot for our room and him being there made it possible. It was hard, waiting for the milk to arrive and not sleeping one bit - you will not sleep in hospital! Joe had low blood sugar so I had to feed him every 2 hours and Helen every 3 hours. It took me an age to feed as we were all learning. Luckily I had AJ my postpartum doula to teach me to breast feed properly and used every lactation consultant and nurse going to check every single latch at all the feedings.

note: Breastfeeding does not just happen! I am learning and so are the babies. It takes practise practise practise with constant vigilance on the latch and swallows as well as knowledge about what a good latch and the swallows look like in the first place. I used help constantly at every feed with angling them onto me, checking the latch, listening to swallows and then starting all over again when their latch slips. I have been lucky to escape blisters but am not enjoying it at all, it takes forever to feed them as they are very snoozy and they feed every 2 to 3 hours and then take ages to settle - so just as I settle them after a feed I need to feed again! Seriously! Exhausting stuff! I need to learn tandem feeding asap as last night Helen cried and cried as I was feeding Joe, Bug put her in the walk in wardrobe as he was not impressed so of course I sat there with Joe also crying.

Welcome to the world kiddoes!

Welcome to the world Joseph Edward Thomas Tozer at 6lb and Helen Elizabeth Anne Tozer at 5lb5oz!!!! Born on March 13th at 01:50am by emergency CS.

More details to follow but seeing these two beautiful little miracles changed my life in a second. Tiny perfect little people.

38 weeks and 2 days.

So we got into the L+D ward today for the induction and I said straight away that I just wanted monitoring and if the babies and I checked out fine then I would like to wait a couple more days for labour to start.

The nurse did another NST on the babes and my blood pressure - everything checked out fine only word had got to the head OB that I was refusing inducement so she paid me a visit.

Now, I am not a doctor and they do have our best interests at heart but they also have schedules and weekends and this particaulr doctor was fiercly adamant that I had to be induced or risk the lives of my children and that it was my choice but was I ready to risk their lives? She said that stats show no twins born past 38 weeks due to mortality risk (well if you induce all twins at 38 weeks then there will be few stats for longer gestation willi there!?)

After much chat and compromise I had another sweep and returned later that night for induction if labour had not started.

Upon return I was 4 cm dilated and had felt no pain or contractions so was pleasantly suprised, however, they still wanted to induce me and a new head OB was on duty. Dr BigHands had a dour bedside manner but seemed like a nice man. He wanted to break my waters and give me pitocin as well. Hell no way I said, you can break my waters and wait to see what happens. Dr BigHands said that never works but agreed.

At about 11pm he broke my waters...and full on contrax started immediately. HOLY HECK IT HURT! I bit Bug’s head off if he tried to touch or talk to me as each contrax started but was very grateful when he told me that it had peaked and was on the way down - that halfed the pain.

Anyway I remained in this state with contrax every 2 - 3 mins apart for 2 hours and then Joe’s heart rate strarted dropping sharply and suddenly with each contraction. Dr BigHands came in and watched the read out for some contraxs and they tried me in some different positions, all of which were dropping his HR, Basically, with the waters broken the contractions were squashing his cord and stopping his blood supply and this meant that I needed an emergency C section.

I was almost relieved to hear this as the labour was horrible and not like having a large poo or period pain at all.

I was quickly wheeled into the operating theatre where a super slick team worked like clockwork to get the juniors out into the world. I asked Dr BH to let me know when they had started “We started minutes ago” he said! I could feel tugging and pulling as if I was a suitcase being unpacked but no pain. Suddenly I heard a cry - it was Helen! 2 mins later another cry and Joe was here too! Richard went over to see them and came back to let me know that they were really cute!

20 mins later Bug and I were holding Joe and Helen!! I cuddled Joe and exclaimed that “Oh my god he has ginger hair” (he doesn’t. it was just blood), followed by “I am going to be sick” , I was then sick everywhere for ages so could not hold them :-(

38 weeks and 1 day

We have to be at the hospital for induction at 9am tomorrow and I really do not want to turn up. I desperately to go into labour naturally and have my muscles warm up and not suddenly burst into full on contractions. Also, I am pretty sure that a twin induction will follow into a C section and that would be very inconvienient.

38 weeks!!!

Never thought I would post for 38 weeks but here we are.

So...today was our 38 week OB appointment! I was feeling very nervous before the appointment but could not work out why. After all, in terms of the babies health and development I have had a perfect preggo (just me and bits of me falling off!). Everything has been fine but I had a nagging feeling of something about this appointment.

Bug was with me because we both want to wait until I go into a natural labour over being induced and knew that the docs would be keen to induce me on Wednesday. We managed to hold them off until Friday which is not long but by then I am hoping that over 13 pounds of babies, 3 pounds of placenta and lots of amnio weight should start a natural labour. Bug has been the best advocate for a lot of this pregnancy, he has got me help for the HG and here he was much firmer than me in not being persuaded into medical convenience.

Our reasoning in based on my mum. My mum went into a natural labour with Liz and I at 38+4 days and we collectively weighed nearly 11 pounds so I may just do it! Inducements are also very, very painful compared to going into labour naturally. Imagine running a marathon. The ideal way would be to use all your 9 months of preparation and then slowly start your warm up. Muscles can stretch and warm up slowly, into a trot, a jog and a then a run, you are perfectly in control of you physical state. Good hey! PB even! However, take an induction, unexpected, not as well prepared, suddenly you have to go from standing still and cold into a marathon length sprint - your muscles will hurt, rip and you will be very uncomfortable.

That is why I want a natural start! (Plus the natural release of oxytocin for when I see the little juniors for the first time).

That procedure was 19 hours ago. I had started cramping for a while afterwards but nothing that consumed me and then they faded!

So, with no labour to start we went to our last Twins, triplets and more (aargh!) class over at ‘The Foot’. The class only had half of the usual bunch but it was a great atmosphere last night and I learned some really valuable tips so actually made some notes. This was all post partum information about baby care and mum care. As usual the dads were hilarious. They had to pick objects out of a mum’s post partum bag and explain why we would need it. One man picked breast pads and he had no idea why we would need them! When he learned why he exclaimed ‘leaking from there too! They leak everywhere!’ Our teacher said that even the sound of someone else's baby crying some distance away can make your boobies leak! Going to be avoiding the downtown playgroup when the juniors are born as I can always hear babies wailing from that establishment!

So now I am on the final countdown to being a mum and Bug a dad. It is daunting, it always was but anticipation (of labour pain, of looking after them and no sleep) is always more dramatic than the real thing so I refuse to ponder scenarios and imagine feelings. I insist that we take it day by day and hour by hour when they arrive. We are prepared, have read lots, have a doula and are pretty mature, certainly in age! In the past three months we have expected preemie babies so to have full term heavies will literally and figuratively feel like a huge weight has been lifted.

Roll on labour, juniors, no sleep and leaky boobies!

37 weeks

Had our final scan today at 37 weeks. This was one of the most complicated scans ever for the technician to decipher who was what and was where. They are totally entwined and turkey's belly could not be measured due to Jerky’s legs in it, her head was so far down my fanjeeta that I needed an internal measurement. Jerky is so wedged he can barely move and he failed the movement test this time so we had to have another non stress test. Thankfully the little monkey started moving so no stress for anyone!

Apparently they like that sardine lifestyle and the doctor was very happy with them. They are bang on the average (50th percentile) weight and size for their gestation. Jerky was 6 pounds and 4 oz, Turkey was 5 pounds and 13 Oz - but as her belly was not measured ‘in the round’ they said this was a weight under estimation and she will be more.

Next time we see the juniors they will be in the outside world :-)

No sign of any labour activity...I feel like I am in the twilight zone, not just from lack of sleep, but also waiting for some thing to happen. I have been a moody emotional spanner this week. I am tired with my 100 wee trips a night and the gino belly and I have been weepy to the point of embarrassment. I imagined meeting them for the first time....wept! Imagined Bug meeting them...wept! Wanted to be able to walk a mile...wept, made some tea...wept.

Am fine again now but is that normal? Bug will keep and eye on me post partum just in case. Apparently 25% of new mums have PPD!!!! The number is even higher with multiple mums so I am scared of getting it. We have info to hand and help in case I do. I will also keep a close eye on Bug as I am used to chaos and disorganization but he is much more used to routine and planned schedule, tidiness and no suprises!

As long as we both don't get it! yikes.