6 days in and Tandeming

Well, they are 6 days old and I cannot stand letting one cry while I take forever to feed the other one so I started tandeming today. Somehow I started it on my own but it is really hard. They move their arms in the way all the time so you cannot latch them and they are so floppy and small. They fall asleep and need constant waking up. My milk spray out (massive let down) so I need help wiping all the slip away or they cannot latch.

Boohoo

Last night I rang my mum in the UK in utter despair, Helen had been crying for hours on end and wanting to feed non-stop. Their little cries go stright into my nervous system and teamed with utter exhaustion I feel terrible. I know that if this schedule continues I will most certainly end up with PND. Mum and Liz arrive in 12 days - That feels like forever, every day seems to pass very slowly and I am getting terrified of the night as the evenings approach. I have spoken to my doula about how hard I am finding the nights and she is doing 2 consecutive nights with us before Bug returns to work. That is still over a week away and I wish I could fast forward, it feels like forever.

I sound really down don’t I? This is the hardest thing ever, I do not know how much of what I am feeling is from the operation or the adjustment to motherhood or the exhaustion. You certainly learn extreme new limits being a mum. People say how hard and tiring it is - but I had no idea! I am beyond exhausted and my world has shrunk to the size of my sofa where I just feed feed and feed.

Back from Hospital

If you ever have to have a CS then try to get your partner to stay the night with you as it turns you into a blubbering wobbly mess. Richard stayed with me on nights 2 and 3 in the hospital. They gave him a cot for our room and him being there made it possible. It was hard, waiting for the milk to arrive and not sleeping one bit - you will not sleep in hospital! Joe had low blood sugar so I had to feed him every 2 hours and Helen every 3 hours. It took me an age to feed as we were all learning. Luckily I had AJ my postpartum doula to teach me to breast feed properly and used every lactation consultant and nurse going to check every single latch at all the feedings.

note: Breastfeeding does not just happen! I am learning and so are the babies. It takes practise practise practise with constant vigilance on the latch and swallows as well as knowledge about what a good latch and the swallows look like in the first place. I used help constantly at every feed with angling them onto me, checking the latch, listening to swallows and then starting all over again when their latch slips. I have been lucky to escape blisters but am not enjoying it at all, it takes forever to feed them as they are very snoozy and they feed every 2 to 3 hours and then take ages to settle - so just as I settle them after a feed I need to feed again! Seriously! Exhausting stuff! I need to learn tandem feeding asap as last night Helen cried and cried as I was feeding Joe, Bug put her in the walk in wardrobe as he was not impressed so of course I sat there with Joe also crying.

Welcome to the world kiddoes!

Welcome to the world Joseph Edward Thomas Tozer at 6lb and Helen Elizabeth Anne Tozer at 5lb5oz!!!! Born on March 13th at 01:50am by emergency CS.

More details to follow but seeing these two beautiful little miracles changed my life in a second. Tiny perfect little people.

38 weeks and 2 days.

So we got into the L+D ward today for the induction and I said straight away that I just wanted monitoring and if the babies and I checked out fine then I would like to wait a couple more days for labour to start.

The nurse did another NST on the babes and my blood pressure - everything checked out fine only word had got to the head OB that I was refusing inducement so she paid me a visit.

Now, I am not a doctor and they do have our best interests at heart but they also have schedules and weekends and this particaulr doctor was fiercly adamant that I had to be induced or risk the lives of my children and that it was my choice but was I ready to risk their lives? She said that stats show no twins born past 38 weeks due to mortality risk (well if you induce all twins at 38 weeks then there will be few stats for longer gestation willi there!?)

After much chat and compromise I had another sweep and returned later that night for induction if labour had not started.

Upon return I was 4 cm dilated and had felt no pain or contractions so was pleasantly suprised, however, they still wanted to induce me and a new head OB was on duty. Dr BigHands had a dour bedside manner but seemed like a nice man. He wanted to break my waters and give me pitocin as well. Hell no way I said, you can break my waters and wait to see what happens. Dr BigHands said that never works but agreed.

At about 11pm he broke my waters...and full on contrax started immediately. HOLY HECK IT HURT! I bit Bug’s head off if he tried to touch or talk to me as each contrax started but was very grateful when he told me that it had peaked and was on the way down - that halfed the pain.

Anyway I remained in this state with contrax every 2 - 3 mins apart for 2 hours and then Joe’s heart rate strarted dropping sharply and suddenly with each contraction. Dr BigHands came in and watched the read out for some contraxs and they tried me in some different positions, all of which were dropping his HR, Basically, with the waters broken the contractions were squashing his cord and stopping his blood supply and this meant that I needed an emergency C section.

I was almost relieved to hear this as the labour was horrible and not like having a large poo or period pain at all.

I was quickly wheeled into the operating theatre where a super slick team worked like clockwork to get the juniors out into the world. I asked Dr BH to let me know when they had started “We started minutes ago” he said! I could feel tugging and pulling as if I was a suitcase being unpacked but no pain. Suddenly I heard a cry - it was Helen! 2 mins later another cry and Joe was here too! Richard went over to see them and came back to let me know that they were really cute!

20 mins later Bug and I were holding Joe and Helen!! I cuddled Joe and exclaimed that “Oh my god he has ginger hair” (he doesn’t. it was just blood), followed by “I am going to be sick” , I was then sick everywhere for ages so could not hold them :-(

38 weeks and 1 day

We have to be at the hospital for induction at 9am tomorrow and I really do not want to turn up. I desperately to go into labour naturally and have my muscles warm up and not suddenly burst into full on contractions. Also, I am pretty sure that a twin induction will follow into a C section and that would be very inconvienient.

38 weeks!!!

Never thought I would post for 38 weeks but here we are.

So...today was our 38 week OB appointment! I was feeling very nervous before the appointment but could not work out why. After all, in terms of the babies health and development I have had a perfect preggo (just me and bits of me falling off!). Everything has been fine but I had a nagging feeling of something about this appointment.

Bug was with me because we both want to wait until I go into a natural labour over being induced and knew that the docs would be keen to induce me on Wednesday. We managed to hold them off until Friday which is not long but by then I am hoping that over 13 pounds of babies, 3 pounds of placenta and lots of amnio weight should start a natural labour. Bug has been the best advocate for a lot of this pregnancy, he has got me help for the HG and here he was much firmer than me in not being persuaded into medical convenience.

Our reasoning in based on my mum. My mum went into a natural labour with Liz and I at 38+4 days and we collectively weighed nearly 11 pounds so I may just do it! Inducements are also very, very painful compared to going into labour naturally. Imagine running a marathon. The ideal way would be to use all your 9 months of preparation and then slowly start your warm up. Muscles can stretch and warm up slowly, into a trot, a jog and a then a run, you are perfectly in control of you physical state. Good hey! PB even! However, take an induction, unexpected, not as well prepared, suddenly you have to go from standing still and cold into a marathon length sprint - your muscles will hurt, rip and you will be very uncomfortable.

That is why I want a natural start! (Plus the natural release of oxytocin for when I see the little juniors for the first time).

That procedure was 19 hours ago. I had started cramping for a while afterwards but nothing that consumed me and then they faded!

So, with no labour to start we went to our last Twins, triplets and more (aargh!) class over at ‘The Foot’. The class only had half of the usual bunch but it was a great atmosphere last night and I learned some really valuable tips so actually made some notes. This was all post partum information about baby care and mum care. As usual the dads were hilarious. They had to pick objects out of a mum’s post partum bag and explain why we would need it. One man picked breast pads and he had no idea why we would need them! When he learned why he exclaimed ‘leaking from there too! They leak everywhere!’ Our teacher said that even the sound of someone else's baby crying some distance away can make your boobies leak! Going to be avoiding the downtown playgroup when the juniors are born as I can always hear babies wailing from that establishment!

So now I am on the final countdown to being a mum and Bug a dad. It is daunting, it always was but anticipation (of labour pain, of looking after them and no sleep) is always more dramatic than the real thing so I refuse to ponder scenarios and imagine feelings. I insist that we take it day by day and hour by hour when they arrive. We are prepared, have read lots, have a doula and are pretty mature, certainly in age! In the past three months we have expected preemie babies so to have full term heavies will literally and figuratively feel like a huge weight has been lifted.

Roll on labour, juniors, no sleep and leaky boobies!

37 weeks

Had our final scan today at 37 weeks. This was one of the most complicated scans ever for the technician to decipher who was what and was where. They are totally entwined and turkey's belly could not be measured due to Jerky’s legs in it, her head was so far down my fanjeeta that I needed an internal measurement. Jerky is so wedged he can barely move and he failed the movement test this time so we had to have another non stress test. Thankfully the little monkey started moving so no stress for anyone!

Apparently they like that sardine lifestyle and the doctor was very happy with them. They are bang on the average (50th percentile) weight and size for their gestation. Jerky was 6 pounds and 4 oz, Turkey was 5 pounds and 13 Oz - but as her belly was not measured ‘in the round’ they said this was a weight under estimation and she will be more.

Next time we see the juniors they will be in the outside world :-)

No sign of any labour activity...I feel like I am in the twilight zone, not just from lack of sleep, but also waiting for some thing to happen. I have been a moody emotional spanner this week. I am tired with my 100 wee trips a night and the gino belly and I have been weepy to the point of embarrassment. I imagined meeting them for the first time....wept! Imagined Bug meeting them...wept! Wanted to be able to walk a mile...wept, made some tea...wept.

Am fine again now but is that normal? Bug will keep and eye on me post partum just in case. Apparently 25% of new mums have PPD!!!! The number is even higher with multiple mums so I am scared of getting it. We have info to hand and help in case I do. I will also keep a close eye on Bug as I am used to chaos and disorganization but he is much more used to routine and planned schedule, tidiness and no suprises!

As long as we both don't get it! yikes.